Friday, 24 October 2014

Dealing with change

Firstly I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who read my blogs for dyspraxia awareness week it means so much, I hope it helped you get a better understanding of dyspraxia and hopefully will help others out there too.

My next blog isn't specific to any kind of hidden condition I know a lot of people with hidden conditions do struggle with change but also lots of people who don't do too, so I hope this blog helps. I have just encountered one of the biggest changes in my life moving to London away from my family, home, dog and life to start a fresh chapter in life with my boyfriend and starting a new job.

 For many years I hated change, I was afraid of it. I used to sit and watch the world change around me, I’d see other people branching out and exploring the unknown and I’d always wish I could be more like them but I never really had it in me to do anything about it. I would always make excuses about why I couldn’t change, I’d tell myself it was never the right time, someone or something was holding me back, when really I was just holding myself back. I was partially happy with my everyday routine, I had friends and family close by and my day to day was comfortable enough to just stick around and  go along. It was easier that way a lot of people with dyspraxia/dyslexia or mental health issues can especially dislike change, we have our little routines which we do, some harder to break than others, we need time to plan going to events and our life. I used to get very upset and emotional if changes were made to my routines like if I was to see friends and the plans were cancelled or changed it used to really throw me. I still struggle with this a bit but as I've got older I've got used to dealing with these and I don't get as upset, although if a big change happens to me I do get very overwhelmed and anxious.

Change can be hard, going into the unknown can be scary especially if you struggke with anxiety
, and the fear of failure is overwhelming but sometimes we don’t fail, sometimes it can be a blessing.
I've always had this huge fear of failure and that I would never be good enough which was instilled from previous negative experiences. I always thought I would make mistakes or everyone around me would be so much more better and confident than me. I always had a fear of upsetting others and was in a negative cloud of overthinking, it was much easier to me in my head to not make any changes.

I don’t know what changed in me but something did. I realised that the life I was living wasn’t making me happy so I changed it with the support of my boyfriend and others around me who I'm forever grateful for. I got flipped giving Mollie King her birthday book with my friend and boyfiend and it got put on youtube. This a few years ago would have been terrifing to me, the thought of so many people hearing me speak and waffle on, afterwards Mollie wrote me a very nice note which I will be forever appreciative. After watching it back I realised what a big change had hapened and wht I had overcome, I realised what a difference small things can make so I thought "what if I apply this to the real world?"

Whilst some of the changes which have happened have been very overwhelming recently and it's made a huge dip in my anxiety levels I'm proud of what I've achieved and what I've come through, I'm proud that I took the HUGE leap to change my life for the better and I hope this blog no matter what battles you struggle with you can give some comfort that you can do it. Change will probably always be an issue to me, I'll always have my little routines and comforts but change can help you grow as a person too. When I look back at myself a year ago and see how far I've come and the little changes I've made. We all make changes in our own time and at our own speed and you shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed if you take longer than others. Please also try and understand that in others undertand how fragile change can make them be there for them the little things really do matter.

One thing I’ve learnt in the past couple of months is that everyone needs change, we need it to grow, so we can learn more about who we are and so we can become who we need and want to be. We may not like it and it may scare us but in the end we’ll be thankful for the step we took.
Open your eyes to opportunities everything can help you grow, and help you change for the better and be proud of your sucesses.

Change, change your life, take it all (change your life and take it all)
You’re gonna use it to become what you’ve always known (become what you’ve always known)- Little Mix Change Your Life.


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