Wednesday, 8 October 2014

I understand

This week I started a new job in London after moving and relocating from my family home. I don't particularly like change and was already feeling anxious. Due to previous bad experiences in university and in the work place I developed severe social anxiety about being open about my dyspraxia/dyslexia and other issues bothering me. I automatically assumed people would not understand and never would it was like I'd built a wall of anxiety about it unless someone knew me very well I'd shake have sweaty palms and stutter trying to explain it or just go mute as I couldn't find the words to overcome the anxiety. This happened for nearly 4/5 years the same crippling anxiety and fear. It got to the point where I got told in a job and I hadn't disclosed anything and I got told that they were unable to extend my contract because they said I was struggling I thought if I had disclosed would this still have happened? I sunk into a dark place and coped in ways which I wasn't proud of. Then I saw Mollie King was on the surgery a random burst of confidence made me phone up physically shaking and stammering they thought I was a lot younger than I was. I didn't get through but Mollie did give me advice, that advice was possibly life changing and life saving she explained how she had opened up about her own difficulties to her friends and how I should tell people and it would be ok, she also sent me a very nice dm saying how she had felt the same I sobbed nobody had ever said that before to me.

Then after a hellish 2 years in a job where disclosing definitely wasn't going to lead to understanding the same anxiety came back the same dark place but more intense and more crippling sometimes I would struggle to get out of bed in the morning and became near enough mute in work only speaking mainly to the children I felt like there was no hope and I wasn't worthy of it. After receiving professional help I was able to have the confidence to apply for a new job. I was successful and now we fast forward back to the train journey on Monday morning and I was dreading having to admit to mew work the question would they understand kept appearing in my mind. But as part of my job requires me to to sometimes scribe for students I had no choice. But in my surprise my boss said "I'm severely dyslexic I'll help you I understand" I nearly burst into tears on the spot, how two words could mean so much. The meaning of this blog is really is to try and understand others around you and what needs or difficulties they may have maybe Google it if unsure. Don't automatically dismiss someone because they have a hidden condition get to know them, embrace the differences and most importantly the positives. You never know what an asset to your life they could be. Also I hope this blog opens people's eyes to how lack of awareness can have a knock on effect on mental health, self esteem and confidence.  We live in such a banter culture sometimes where often people are scared of showing their caring side. Go and tell someone you understand them today even if you've never had the same issues as them, you might make their day, week, year, life. You could help save a life.

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