2014- Light At The End Of The Tunnel

As a final blog of the year blog I thought I'd reflect  about the year which has been and also as a huge thank you to everyone who has read my blogs and stood by me over the last year, I'm so so grateful if you've had a read of one of my blogs, I hope it might have helped one of you or even if not you maybe a family or friend. 2014 has been an emotional roller coaster and has had many highs but many many lows too, but I can say at the end of it all I made it, I got through it. If you told me 12 months ago I'd have got through it all I would never have believed it, but somehow I've found the inner strength despite everything to survive. I've become a lot more emotionally strong in the last year or so. One of the main reasons behind it all I think is my passion and determination to help others, so others don't have to go though the same pain as I have had to. If my story can be relatable or help others in any small way, to show them that I suppose you can change your life around. I've realised the need for positivity and being surrounded by positive people and removing toxic people and situations from my life. This is something very hard for me as my literal way of thinking means I always see the best in everyone. I will always be the kind of person who is kind and nice to everyone. But for my life to change for the better I realised that I had to get out of my job, it was making me physically, mentally an emotionally unwell and I lost all my confidence and self belief. But something made me realise I needed to do something about it, seeing my boyfriend and mum in tears everyday because they could tell how much I was struggling made me realise I needed to help myslef. It took a long time for me to realise I had to help myself, as I always believed other people deserve it all, I also worried something bad would happen to other people who were struggling if I wasn't helping them all the time. I can't say enough how important it is if you think you or
a friend is struggling to seek help, as scary as it is, it is worth it. I'm not going to lie getting the right help and support is a long battle and struggle. But don't be scared to talk to
Someone, if you can tell something isn't just quite right with your friend talk
to them and if it carries on for a while maybe you notice they seem down all the time, avoiding activities, worrying a lot or just don't seem them self then encourage them to seek help and be there for them throughout the process. Needing help doesn't mean you're a weak person, we all need help from time to time in life. Be brave you can do it, and slowly things might start to get a little brighter.

The one thing I wish and I hope and I always fight for is that hidden conditions get the understanding they need. That people won't assume and maybe think that there could be a reason for someone to struggle. Invisible conditions and illnesses can effect everyone, look
Around you the next time you're in a shopping centre or at a concert you never know what someone could be struggling with. Let's hope eventually hidden conditions will get the same undertanding and support visible ones do. When I twisted my ankle in the summer and was on crutches my problems became a lot more visible, I had people constantly being concerned about me, the escalators even got turned off for me. I had people moving out of their seats. It really made me think that I wish the same level of undedstanding was there for hidden conditions, when you struggle sometimes you are met with glares, or sighs or people shouting at you to stop being so careless or when you struggle with anxiety and get shaky and panicky people can look at you like they don't know what to do. Talking about hidden conditions should not be a taboo subject, it's important to remember that sadly a lot of people due to lack of teacher training at school slip through the net, there are a lot of adults out there who may never have got a diagnosis yet have struggled throughout their lives. Sometimes they are perceived odd or weird but without the coping strategies they need, they might not know what to do. But with the right help and support hidden conditions don't need to be a barrier to success and independent living. We just need more time to do things, be able to do things in our own way even if it means it's a lot different to everyone else, we might need a bit of help now and again, but it doesn't mean we are stupid or can't get to where we want in life. When we eventually do it means we appreciate it so much and appreciate those who have helped us along the way. In the last 12 months I have faced a lot of ignorance got told I was a bad role model, got told I couldn't do my job properly and got made to feel very useless and worthless and had high levels of self hatred. But I have been able to do a lot of charity work and awareness work to help dismiss stigma, hopefully so especially younger people know they aren't alone. A lot of People with hidden conditions feel very isolated they don't know many others who might struggle with what they do and it can be very lonely. That's why I think it's so important that people can share their stories to help others, it doesn't mean you're attention seeking. As good as it is that people in the public eye speak out as they can increase awareness in the media, I think it's just as important for people to hear stories how people cope day to day with life and get through the day. Sometimes when you feel really low and down that's all you need a listening ear some kindness to help you through the darkness. That's what I got told when I was doing my filming for dyslexia action was to think of all the children in the centres who needed help and their parents. I really enjoy talking to parents at events and telling them my story and maybe the similarities between me and their child growing up and being able to tell them it will be ok.

I honestly believe if there was more kindness in the world so many people wouldn't be struggling or be experiencing mental health conditions. If we all Stepped
Back and tried to understand others and appreciated difference and not made difference a bad thing so many people Would be a lot happier, putting someone down doesn't mean it's going to make life any easier for you, we live in a very diverse world and sometimes you have to put the
Phone down and the laptop down get off Twitter and see how diverse the world really is, how many people just live their lives through Twitter and the life Of their favourite celebrity rather than their own. If you are struggling there is light at the end of the tunnel I promise, I've literally gone through hell and back and some how found the strength to come though it all. I live independently with my boyfriend who is incredible, I now have a good job after working hard to get a degree and masters degree. Hidden conditions need not be a barrier to achieving all of this. But I still have bruises up and down my legs, trip over air and life is never a dull
Moment in the world of Rosie. You are worth so much more than feeling bad about yourslef or even going down the path of self harm and self distruction, there are people who will understand you. Even though I have a long way to go to be where I want in life and to be a confiendent person I hope
Others can see it can be ok. Dare to be different, help others be a bit of kindness in someone's bad day.