Monday, 28 September 2015

Beating yourself up

As human beings we can often be our worst critics, the first to beat ourselves up, the first to criticize ourselves over any mistakes we make. I know this can be said about me, I'm the first to make others to feel good about themselves and tell them to be kind to themselves, as for me it's a lot harder battle.

I think when you have a body which can often do what it doesn't want you to half the times, the pickles you end up in, the mess, the embarrassing timing of the situations it can make you beat yourself up and think "why did you just do that?" My brain has often has an idea of what to do but then the wires and message get tangled up and my body does something completely different, I'm sure all the dyspraxics reading this blog will be able to relate to it and the frustration which can happen after especially when after mistake after mistake, or mess after mess. Comments like just try harder or stop being so careless are so unhelpful. and not very considerate.  Same whenever I used to do a lot of handwritten work and whenever I used to make a mistake or spelling mistake (my work was full of crossing out) or I couldn't get my ideas from my head onto paper, it can be so frustrating but assistive technology can help, and if you or your dyspraxic/dyslexic child is beating themselves up over similar I would really recommend it.

I'm also a massive over thinker and replay situations in my head (normally at unsuitable hours of the day) about situations and worry about what mistakes which could have happened or what I might have done wrong, same with over thinking situations in the future and what might happen, because of the unpredictability of dyspraxia, you never know sometimes what might happen from day to day life, so it's quite easy to fall into a mindset of thinking the worst possible situation which might happen and beat yourself up, the anxiety can make you think why would anyone want to see me? and that I'm wasting everyone's time by me being there. I know it can be quite upsetting for my boyfriend to see me constantly put myself down and over time and with the help I'm receiving, I'm trying to think more positively about myself.  Changing those thought processes into more positive ones can be difficult and a long journey, it won't just happen overnight.

But we can all try and remind ourselves that nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes from time to time, we all need to learn from experiences in life, but if you saw someone else beat themselves up so harshly you would tell them to stop, so why be so hard on yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, people who encourage and make you feel good about yourself.

The journey  may be long and hard but realising you are worthy of it is making that first step, doing little things to help you feel better about yourself, but I believe in you and I know you can do this and if I'm the first person who's told you this today I'm really proud of you. I know things can be hard at times and it's not easy but you're trying your best and that's enough, you are enough.

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