Dyspraxia and sense of belonging

From a very young age I've always been very aware of how different I was to those around me, in height, socially and by my body worked. When I was four I was diagnosed dyspraxic. My mum always tells me even though I found day to day day tasks (and still do) a challenge I always had a go and always been really determined. Around that age I decided to give ballet a try, grace, co-ordination and balance has never been something I've been good at (you know it's me coming up and down the stairs by how heavy footed I am.) But nevertheless I gave it a try, but it was then my mum was approached by the ballet teacher and told "was there something wrong with me? Why was I backwards?" It was from that young age my family were aware of the struggle of getting others to understand such a misunderstood hidden difficulty.

Growing up I used to go up to my mum in tears asking,"why I had never been asked to any of the other children's birthday parties? Why did nobody wanted to play with me in the playground or join in with any of the imaginary horse games I had made up? (always been one for having a good imagination) Or why nobody wanted me on their team for P.E?" I was constantly questioning to myself, "what must I have done wrong?" I simply just never fitted in, I had very different interests to my peers group, whilst the rest of the girls were starting to apply make-up and roll in drunk after a night out, I was listening to cheesy pop music, or taking my dog for a walk. I could never name you the latest trends but if you asked me to name S club 7 or Steps's back catalogue I was your girl (still very much aware of these details even today.)
I felt very anxious, lost and alone and thought it was simply just me being me and I must have been some kind of outcast given the amount of bullying which was happening which was making me feel very low and having a very negative self concept about myself and I began to self harm- not something I go into detail in any blogs but I think it's an important issue which affects many and if you are struggling there is help out there. As cringy as it sounds I never thought anyone would like me.

 It wasn't till I was in my early 20's I met the first person who also had dyspraxia, it was quite a surreal experience. Around that time I was diagnosed dyslexic which made another piece of the puzzle make sense to me and why I struggled so much with spelling and why reading my uni work took me longer than others to make sense of. Quite a number of years later I attended my first of many Dyspraxia Foundation conferences. They are simply more than just a conference, they bring people together, parents, young people and adults with dyspraxia alike.  On days when dyspraxia makes me have mistake, after mistake and you don't know why, or when my  legs resemble the colour of a puddle from bruises. On days when anxiety makes me curl up into my duvet too scared to see the world, frustrated with my body and I end beating myself up for being curled up for being so anxious it can give you hope. Hope in those dark times that it's not just you, and that your struggles are similar to those other than you.  My lovely friend Claire has written a blog about anxiety and panic attacks, she's not dyspraxics but as many dyspraxic's can struggle with them, I thought others might want a read: http://eclairscares.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/lets-talk-about-panic-attacks.html  As someone who finds it difficult talking in groups and in unknown situations conferences and meet ups have also given me confidence. The amount of times I've been in a group situation being too scared in case I said something silly so I just wouldn't speak or have the confidence to form an opinion. To be able to do that has given me the courage to apply it to other situations such as: doing speeches and filming.

They also have helped me find many people who have simply "got it" I was lucky enough to spend quite a bit of time with the lovely Alice over the conference please have a look at her most recent blog about dyspraxia and anxiety http://mindtank.co.uk/2016/03/08/youll-be-ok/ We chatted about our own experiences of dyspraxia, anxiety and of course S club 7 (who would have thought!) One of those where have you been all my life moments. We both had our fair share of travel issues before arriving in Birmingham. But if you are dyspraxic or a parent of a dyspraxic or someone simply wanting to find out more, I think I can speak for both of us by saying, they're eyeopening and worth all the stress which often comes before. There's also quite a few online communities for those affected by dyspraxia whatever age or parents to interact with each other. Recently I've been involved with the Dyspraxia Foundation Youth group, from my own experiences growing up it's something I'm really passionate about.

The dyspraxia acceptance journey is an emotional roller coaster ride for everyone involved, it has a lot of ups, a lot of emotional and overwhelming downs, quite a lot of tangled up twists of chaos, but also a good sprinkling of creative original thinking. Even though dyspraxia is a life long difficulty and doesn't just simply go away into adulthood, all my own experiences over the years have made me determined, determined that nobody should feel alone, and that there are others out there too. This week my blog reached 90,000 views, a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there with me on my journey over the last few years. I've also very kindly been nominated for positive role model for disability at the National Diversity awards. If my blogs have helped at all would mean a lot if you voted for me https://nominate.nationaldiversityawards.co.uk/Nominate/Endorse/29669?name=Rosie+Edmonson

I also know that  I am not backwards nor is there something wrong with me, just different and wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all the same.  I hope whether you're reading this blog as a fellow dyspraxic, dyslexic or have a hidden difference or disability, a parent, teacher or someone who wants to find out more. Maybe you struggle with anxiety or mental health issues or just feel different, that these blogs are a little bit of encouragement for you. Thank you for helping me get the word out and helping others understand dyspraxia and thank you to all who work at The Dyspraxia Foundation for all their support, hugs and kind words.

Everybody deserves to feel like they belong somewhere in this world, that it's ok to be different and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.  Sometimes I wish I could go back to tell my teenage self that days and times like this would come, and amongst the darkness, the worry and the bad which happens in life, some good can come out of it too. Never loose hope, I may not be able to tell my younger self this, but I can tell others who might be reading this now.

Simple adjustments- Dyspraxia/hidden differences in the workplace.

Over the last few weeks in the media there has a lot about neurodiversity in the workplace and how best to support people who think in a different way. This was something which came up in questions from the public when I was asked to go on the Victoria Derbyshire show, there was quite a bit of misunderstanding that if people have difficulties in the workplace they simply shouldn't be doing the job.  I think sometimes people get scared that they have to look after someone and spend a lot of time helping someone assuming that a lot of mistakes will happen. But in reality there are so many little reasonable adjustments which can be made, often things which take up no expense and little time which can make a huge difference.

It's understandable if you have no personal experience of differences/difficulties/disabilities to be a bit overwhelmed when it comes to helping someone, but so many people have struggles which are invisible to the eye, which can't simply be ignored. After I had experienced a particularly low day in a previous workplace, where there had been a lot of frustration, tears, feeling of worthlessness, my dad (undiagnosed dyspraxic, but has some very similar traits to me) came up to me and told me that it was like being a square peg in a round hole and  no matter what I did, or how hard I worked  the way I thought meant I would never fit into a mould, but that it was ok, and with the right help and acceptance I could find my worth and feet in life. 

In this blog I thought I would discuss some simple accommodations which can be made both in education/the workplace but in day to day life too to help someone who thinks in a different way. I hope they help you help someone out there and are useful. 

1. Acceptance

One of the greatest things you can give to someone to who thinks in a different way or has a difficulty or disability is to accept them for who they are and not try and change them. Difference is nothing to be scared of, not everyone has brains wired in the same way or processes information or the world around us the same, it's not wrong it's just simply different. We all as human beings have strengths and things which we struggle more with, just because someone has a label or a reason for these doesn't make them any less of a person. It's really important to remember that no two people with the same difficulty or difference are the same, there's no on and off switch and you simply don't just grow out of them when you become an adult. By accepting someone for who they are not only will give them the courage to gain coping mechanisms but develop self worth and confidence, plus you will get so much of an appreciation back. I know I probably bore people by saying thank you to them and how grateful I am. But for those who have taken the time to accept me for who I am quirks and all I'm forever grateful.

2. Boost self esteem/confidence

The emotional and social side of hidden differences is such a huge factor with many people with hidden differences and difficulties especially for those with little understanding out there such as: dyspraxia. It's something which is so important and can have such an impact on mental health and well being as many people with hidden differences and disability's often have anxiety and depression alongside. Whether due to bullying, past experiences, frustration there could be many reasons why.  A little bit of encouragement can go such a long way, it can give someone such a boost and feel like they're not as bad as sometimes they think they are. Simply just asking someone how you can help if you see them struggle can make a huge difference. 

3. Ask questions

It's so important with issues which are invisible to ask questions and find out more and how you can help someone, the more questions asked, the more awareness is generated and the less stigma and ignorance there is. 

4. Focus on strengths

As well as struggles there are many strengths people who think in a different way can bring and offer, such as: thinking outside of the box, seeing the bigger picture, creativity, understanding and empathy for others. Plus determination and resilience and never giving up.  

5. Give more time

New tasks can take a lot longer for someone with dyspraxia/dyslexia to master. I know for me any tasks which require a lot of fine motor skills/co-ordination will always take me so much longer than someone else, I'll make a lot of mistakes as I'm learning and will often will need to be shown quite a few ways how to do it or how to do it in my own way. But being put under pressure can cause stress and a lot of anxiety, just giving someone that extra time and a bit of a breathing space can make a huge difference.A little bit of patience can also help someone feel relaxed, before you think how long a task is taking someone remember that the brain/body is having to work 10x harder to do tasks others take for granted, but it also shows resilience and determination. If you do notice someone is getting very anxious from personal experience (hidden difference or not) incorporating self care and breathing strategies can be helpful.

6. The right environment

Just as time pressures can cause a lot of stress and anxiety so can the environment you have to carry tasks out in can as often there are issues surrounding sensory sensitivity such as: noise, heat and light. Distractions, background noise, bright lights, lots going on can all be very overwhelming, distracting and exhausting. But a few minor adjustments can make someone feel a lot calmer, less anxious and able to focus on the tasks ahead.

7. Escapism

Everyone chooses to relax in their spare time in different ways. Self care and making time to look after yourself is important to everyone. For some people with hidden differences their choice of escapism or how they choose to socialise may seem different to others. It all comes back again  to acceptance, you never know what you might find out  or learn when you broaden your horizons, don't just dismiss something because it seems different to what you personally wouldn't choose to do.


Finally I recently came across these interesting characters and could definitely relate to the second one (for me the ice cream would be probably half around my mouth and down my front too!) We are all different, unique individuals which all have a lot to offer this world. Until next time, remember to be kind to yourself!