Things take time

Hi everyone I hope you're well?

I first began to write this blog back before the first lockdown and have recently got around to re-editing it and proofreading it. 

I wanted to blog about something which I've been thinking about a lot recently and how a lot of things in life take time.

It can be very easy when you find day to day life more challenging to find yourself getting frustrated with yourself and question why something which others may take for granted may take you longer. I've always been someone who needs to have things broken down, as someone who has struggled with a lot of anxiety and social anxiety over time, I need to break my fears and situations of things I find more difficult to build my confidence up.

 At primary school, it was often assumed I wasn't trying hard enough or was being lazy when it was taking longer than my peers to learn or process the information and copy from the board, write neatly or play games in the school playground due to dyspraxia. In social situations especially in groups, new people, or people I don't know well,  people can often make comments like, "you're so quiet" instead of including me in their conversations when I've felt socially anxious which can be upsetting and affect my self-esteem. But the little simple things can mean a lot to someone. 

The world we live in can feel very fast paced and modern society can make you feel like you have to have achieved or done something by a certain time or age. For many people and for many different reasons e.g. mental health and/or disability these milestones can take a little longer to achieve. Learning to drive, finding your place in the world of work or studying, living independently, or simply going out and doing what you love and enjoy in life or day to day tasks can take a lot longer. Which can affect self-esteem and mood. Everyone works differently and has different life circumstances too. 

Just because someone takes longer to do something doesn't mean they don't want to be able to do it, they aren't being lazy. Their journey just might be in a different way down a different path. If anything it can make someone a determined, persevering person. It can also make them have empathy and understanding for others and their journeys in life. Don't give up on someone and keep believing in them when they struggle to. But simply listening can mean a lot.

Keep going, you're stronger than you think.

Being Patient and feeling enough

Hello everyone, I hope you are well?
We have been living in such unprecedented  times and our daily lives have changed so much over the last few months. During recent weeks lockdown restrictions have been lifted allowing people to get back to a degree of "normal" life. But how and when people decide to do this may be different and it's important to be patient, not just now but generally in life.

The world we live in can be loud and very fast-paced, it can feel like you're constantly trying to keep up with it. It can feel like everyone who surrounds you is just getting on with things, not having to think too deeply or need support. You can feel like asking for help is seen as a weakness, or that being a highly sensitive, anxious, quieter person makes you not enough. But we are all different, we all process life and it's experiences at different times, all with our own unique perspectives and personalities. Some people like myself may find things more anxiety provoking may need more time and may feel things deeply. But being patient with someone can help both you and the other person. It can make them feel valued and heard, especially if perception and low self-esteem are issues.

I recently read a blog by my close friend Immie about the value of a mental health mentor and how as a dyspraxic quieter person, it can take time to not only find the right support but also open up about what is on your mind and experiences. It can take a lot of courage and perseverance to do this. What I am also learning is that we all need help, we're all human and it's ok to find the assertiveness to say if the help you're receiving isn't the right fit for you, it also doesn't make you unkind.

 It's something which I think needs to be talked about a lot more as you can feel like you're going through it on your own.  Being dyspraxic and having anxiety/low mood has always meant I've needed a bit more patience, whether it be with simple day to day tasks, studying or getting to know me. It also means I struggle with fatigue and depression and things can take quite a bit out of me. Being quieter with social anxiety it can feel like you're undervalued and that you have to fight for your voice to be heard. Also what you have to say is of interest or if anyone would want to listen. But the little things can make a huge difference to me and my self-esteem and self-worth. For me, it's made me thoughtful and a good listener and patient with other people and their struggles. 

It's also important to remember to be patient with yourself, and to show self-compassion and not be so hard on yourself. All of which I can find so hard.  Finding ways to express how you're feeling is different for the individual, either written, verbal or even through music and creativity. It takes quite a bit of time and trial and error to find what might or might not help you which I’m still learning. Social media can often create a false illusion of picture-perfect, whilst in reality, we all have struggles we all can find things tricky from time to time. I recently watched one of Stacey Solomon’s Instagram stories where she talked about being unapologetically true to herself and the right people in her life - finding what makes you happy. You might never be everyone’s cup of tea, but to those who love you that will always be good enough.

Until next time...

Long Distance Connections

Hello, everyone, I hope you are staying safe and well during these unusual times. I wanted to blog (for the first time in a long while) about something important to me and needs more understanding. This has become more spoken about recently due to the outbreak of the Corona Virus. Hopefully, during this period it will raise awareness of how precious connections can be with family, friends and pets for us all at and also generally when you don't find making those connections easy in the first place. I'm currently apart from my parents and border collie Toby- (animals can provide a lot of comfort to people who find social situations hard.)

As with all of my blogs I am only speaking from my perspective, everyone is different and experiences life differently. It's important to take the time to listen to someone and their story as an individual. Also, remember that there can be a lot more to someone's story than one blog post.

For some people making friends and finding people they connect with isn't easy. Especially if in their local area there isn't much understanding, awareness or opportunities which incorporate inclusion. It's easy for people to take for granted having family or friends living in close proximity, where you maybe can just pop round for a drink, a meal or a hug.

All of the above have applied to me. As a quieter person, who has always found social situations anxiety-provoking and had my fair share of misunderstandings and bullying. I also come from a quieter family and am an only child.  Making friends has never been easy for me and to be honest a really sensitive issue. I am dyspraxic and I have very different music taste to my peers and experience mental health issues of anxiety and depression. I also spend a lot of my time usually back home in Burnley Lancashire.  In short, it takes quite a long time to get to know Rosie and for Rosie to feel comfortable with people and to do things people maybe take for granted.

In the past, I've had difficult experiences of people not understanding why social situations and day to day life can be hard for me. Which is why understanding is important that not everyone has things close by and people do things in their own time. They didn't understand why I can't just do something, meet people, or go somewhere or why it's so anxiety-provoking for me. Also why my confidence in cities(and general) can be really difficult for me. Due to my difficulties, people didn't understand why it was taking me longer.  I've always struggled with low self-esteem and can also struggle with my mood too. It can make me overthink a lot and worry the same experiences will happen again, doubt how I'll be perceived and if people will always react the same. Anxiety can be tricky like that. The little things can mean a lot and make a difference.

Taking longer in life and being at distance from the people, things and pets I care about has made me an understanding, empathetic person who takes the time to listen. I'm grateful for the few people who take the time to listen to me and make me feel like my voice is important and matters.

After this period,  after seeing my family, dog and the few friends at distance I have. I want to build up my self-esteem and find more activities and connections where people accept me, and  I find my purpose to help with my mental health. Hopefully, in time I will be able to be more confident to be where I want to be in life, in my own way and time. Sometimes things aren't easy to explain, give a quieter person the time and space and you never know what you might learn.

Throughout this difficult time and in general please be kind to others, put yourself in other's shoes and understand that everyone is different and does things in their own time. Please don't compare time frames. If you see someone who's at distance from their loved ones show some kindness.

Take care of yourselves.
Until next time........

2019 in review- You are not alone

Hello everyone,

It's come to the time when I write my end of year blog. It really doesn't feel like two minutes since I wrote my end of year blog last year.

This year has been a pretty hard year for me for a number of reasons and circumstances. I've also struggled a lot with my mental health, but I'm grateful for the support of the people who I've had in my life. I've never found making friends easy or had many of them for that matter either so those of you who have taken the time to listen to me, it means a lot to me - thank you. 

There can be a lot of comfort in not feeling like you're alone, the opposite are feelings I have known well - talking about I feel and about the things I find difficult has never been the easiest for me due to social/general anxiety.  I've always worried if people will be understanding and supportive or if they will laugh, judge, simply not get it or if I will bother others. Also expressing my thoughts and emotions is difficult for me. 

Due to my anxiety/social anxiety and dyspraxia, day to day life and situations can be a challenge and I also can experience panic attacks and low mood. I’m also a big overthinker and have challenges with confidence and low self-esteem. It can take a while to get to know me and for me to feel comfortable, especially due to my anxiety and quietness. It can be so easy to think it's just you who finds these situations difficult or why you may feel down.

I also struggle to find confidence in sharing my ideas and opinions due to my social anxiety, I can worry that I will offend people or that my ideas, stories or experiences aren't interesting and others will roll their eyes and think, "what is she on about?"

There's been a lot of talk about mental health in the dyspraxia world this year which in my opinion is a long time coming, but I hope in future this is something which is developed more alongside the social difficulties people may face. I think it's really important that people aren't put into the same bubble and that people are known as individuals with their own unique circumstances so that there aren't stereotypes. 

Some people may have different challenging situations to me, or complete them in a different time frame, or may have had more of a support network - outside of close family and had more general support -than me. Understanding is also something which takes time and time to get to know people.

This year my boyfriend Matt became vice chair of the Dyspraxia Foundation. A quieter member of the board who has used his IT skills, passion and understanding from his own experiences and his anxieties and difficulties in social situations. He is building up his confidence to promote inclusion within the charity which is something important to him/us. I am also grateful for the members of the youth group I have had the opportunity to meet and spend time with and those who from
various communities I’ve spoken to online. You have really opened my eyes.

This year I've realised that things take time and that it's ok to be on your own journey and time frame. Also that I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.  Next year I hope to believe in myself more, build up my confidence and manage my anxiety/low mood.

Thanks to Matt for all of his support and strength this year and a special thanks to my border collie Toby who is always happy to see me, appreciative of snuggles and for always wanting a toy to be thrown. I am very grateful for the kind words Mollie King has given me this year, they give me strength in difficult times. I hope this next year is a bit kinder.

I hope the year ahead is kind to you,
Take care  of yourselves

Lots of Love

Rosie

xxx

Anticipatory anxiety

Hi everyone, I hope you’re ok?

This week is Dyspraxia Awareness week it is Wednesday it is also World Mental Health Day. The Dyspraxia Foundation has recently released a press report of the emotional needs of people with dyspraxia finding 55% of dyspraxic people feel anxious all of the time. It also mentions high levels of anticipatory anxiety. Time To Change have recently launched a campaign on their website, talking about if a mate is acting differently, to ask twice as people if they're ok as I know how easy to say you're feeling fine when things may be more difficult.   It's important to remember not to be stereotypical and get to know someone as an individual as anxiety/mental health issues will be different for everyone. Also from a dyspraxic perspective, not every dyspraxic may have mental health difficulties. It’s also important to remember “life” may be different for everyone, people live in different areas of the country, some may live in towns some cities and different family backgrounds and circumstances and maybe a few sensitive life experiences which for me don’t focus in this blog but my anxieties generally.

Anticipatory anxiety is the feelings, thoughts and sometimes dread before something is going to happen. This could be; a social situation, a holiday, a day at work or uni, or an appointment- the list is very much endless. Anticipatory anxiety is your mind racing with all of the “what if’s,” and the brain can conjure up an endless list of possibilities or scenarios of what might happen, and more often than not think of the worst possible scenario and catastrophize it. This can lead to physical symptoms being triggered and even lead to panic attacks. This can be exhausting enhance low mood.

One (of many) for me is before social situations: as a  quiet/shy person who experiences social anxiety, initiating and joining in conversations sharing ideas, or being in situations where I may be the centre of attention such as 1:1 meeting. I worry people won’t want to meet me, find me boring, that they won’t enjoy my company or they will assume I’m rude. I can self-doubt myself and my abilities probably far too much.

What I’ve found with anticipatory anxiety is that it’s not just something which might happen the night or day before but can happen days or even weeks beforehand. Although, from personal experience,  the night/morning before can be really hard.  I know how easy it is to get into that vicious circle myself and the frustration of when it can feel anxiety has got to you or affected your plans. I’ve personally found anticipatory anxiety can be worse if it is new and unknown to you or has a new element or unpredictability.

Check in with your friends, although talking can be difficult for many a listening ear and knowing you have people in your corner may not take away the struggles but can help someone not feel alone. I also think it’s important no matter what difficulties someone has that they still feel included or invited to things or included in the conversation. That inclusion is something which is really important and can help build someone’s self-esteem and confidence in themselves. I also think it’s important to take a little bit of time especially if someone is shy/quieter or has social anxiety is to get to know them as an individual and how they may be affected, but also as a person.

Always be kind, you never know what fully is going on someone’s life.

Life hasn't been too easy for me recently so thank you to those who have been there for me.

Keep going, you’re stronger than you think! I was given some words of advice from my therapist today: "don't believe everything you think."

Until next time..

For more about mental health: https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/

To donate to the Dyspraxia Foundation 30th birthday appeal: https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/dyspraxia_foundation_30th_appeal/

Journeys

Hello everyone, I didn’t really get the chance to properly blog for both World Mental Health Day and Dyspraxia Awareness Week. I wanted to blog about journeys and how everyone is on their own unique journey and how others can help.

"Life" has always taken me longer, whether it be getting dressed, writing an assignment (or these blogs)  or being able to face various situations due to social anxiety/anxiety. There's a running joke in my household that I've been running late since birth and was procrastinating in the womb (I was a month overdue)

At school/university, I became very aware that things took me that bit longer. I felt like I was behind everyone else and that was before I attempted to leave the house.  As an adult due to anxiety and dyspraxia things do take me longer both dealing with situations and day to day tasks, especially if it involves travelling,  experiences new places, new people or crowds to name a few. It means it takes time to step out of my comfort zones and to feel comfortable and confident when meeting people or in group situations due to social anxiety.

 This has affected my self-esteem and confidence as I can be quite hard on myself, prone to beating myself up and doubting myself. I'm lucky to have a boyfriend who's flexible and patient with me. I'm very grateful to him for this and all he helps with. Step by step I’m hoping to build up my confidence and self-esteem in trying things which I find more difficult. I also think it can take time trying different things which can help.

Often, from an outsider looking in perspective, assumptions can be made those with difficulties and/or mental health conditions, can't be bothered or lazy. The brain is working harder to do things which others can take for granted. A listening ear, a little bit of time patience and empathy can go a long way. Words can make a huge difference to someone in helping them believe in themselves when they struggle to.

It's made me persevering  person and someone who has  more patience and empathy and understanding for other people's journeys, especially for  those whom life has never been naturally easy. A few months ago I completed Parallel London 10k event. Where I saw so many people who had various difficulties, disabilities and mental health conditions take part. It was eye opening to see how inclusive the event was. We were told at the start that it wasn't about times, as long as we got round in our own way. That made me feel more relaxed as it was non-judgemental.

 I love seeing others achieve especially when it's not been an easy journey. I really respect people in the public eye who speak out about their mental health especially Zoella with her anxiety. I've been loving watching Mollie and AJ on Strictly Come Dancing. I've always respected Mollie, as she's always been open about her childhood experiences with dyslexia which means life takes her a little bit longer. I have empathised with her and find her quite refreshing. I  have loved seeing how much perseverance and hard work have gone into their performances each week from both of them. Her kind words over the years have meant a lot to me.

I hope by writing this blog helps others maybe feel less alone. I have found it quite therapeutic writing it.

I'm grateful to those there for me on my journey, I hope you know how much I appreciate you and what you do for me.

Wherever you are on your journey, keep going you're a lot stronger than you think you are!
Until next time.....

Beneath the surface

Hello I hope you're all ok? Sorry for the slight delay in blogging since last post. The focus of my latest blog is looking beneath the surface especially when someone finds social situations more challenging.

It's important to remember that no two people are the same but for some who experience social anxiety and/or struggle with confidence in social situations it can mean getting to know them can take that bit more time. It can take a while to feel comfortable or feel more confident when meeting new people and sharing information about themselves and ideas more challenging.

On the outside they may appear bored, rude, aloof or simply just quiet. You might think that they simply just don't care or don't want to be in your company or being flaky. Social anxiety is more than just being shy: it’s a mixture of physical symptoms and thoughts and can be really difficult and frustrating to live with. It’s important to get to know how it affects someone differently and take time to help them feel more comfortable and confident but most importantly in their own time. Take your time to understand someone’s challenges but also try and boost their confidence to help them grow.

The words you use can make a huge difference. Having social anxiety/anxiety doesn’t mean someone doesn’t have an opinion or a voice, but you can help build up their confidence by simply listening. If you know someone is going through a rough patch with their mental health a listening ear can mean so much. You don’t know how much hard work it can take for someone to be able to do something you might take for granted. Don’t  put someone under pressure,  let them do it in their own time, your patience can mean a lot.

Most importantly  everyone is a person, someone with a story. Everyone has a story, and you never know what people may be dealing or struggling  with behind closed doors. You never know who may have a mental illness, disability or difficulty invisible to the eye. Whilst I wanted to focus this blog on my anxiety/social anxiety, I’m also dyspraxic and many people may have another difficulty alongside any mental health challenges.

As someone who has social anxiety/anxiety  and can experience panic attacks meeting new people groups of people can be a real challenge for me, speaking up, sharing my ideas all of the anxiety and overthinking which can come beforehand and all of the overthinking which can happen afterwards and low self esteem/low mood. It's lead to some misunderstandings and difficult situations.

But I hope those who know me well know more  about me and of my  life experiences and that I care and empathise with others. In previous blogs I have discussed my anxiety/social anxiety and situations I find challenging. An example can approach wanting  to approach someone or go into situations  with ideas and things you wish  to share. But the physical feelings and thoughts and worries of being judged or coming across as boring or annoying go alongside of this.

I can find small talk not the easiest, and like to get to know what makes someone who they are by looking deeper to get to know their heart and soul.

I hope to become more confident and manage my anxiety in time, and if you relate to any of what I've talked about I think it's important to go at your own pace, find people who understand your struggles but who also encourage you to grow. Asking questions or taking that little bit of time to get to know someone who has anxiety or finds social situations more challenging can mean a lot, and cause a lot less misunderstandings. You never know what you might find out about someone.

Until next time....

How to blog (step by step)

Hello lovely people I hope you are well?

Last weekend I was asked to give a short presentation about blogging, it was really nerve wracking  as social situations aren't something I find easy and it was a challenge but I  pushed through the anxiety. After taking a few days to recover (anxiety can be exhausting)  and the conferences themselves are always in general quite a full on day, very  informative and helpful but tiring too. I thought afterwards, that I would write a blog with the main points of my presentation for anyone interested writing a blog. Especially for those like myself who may have social anxiety or just simply find social situations/confidence difficult. I would also like to thank everyone who attended the Dyspraxia Foundation conference youth conference last weekend. I'm grateful for your patience and understanding it meant a lot to me, and hope what I said might help others in some way. Talking about my experiences will never come easy as I've lived through quite a bit in life and by speaking about some of those life experiences, anxiety/ mental health and also dyspraxia it might stop others going through what I have and help others not feel alone. Hopefully in time social situations/anxiety and confidence will become easier for me, but finding them difficult has made me have empathy for others. Blogging has given me a voice which I'm always grateful for.

1. So how do you blog?

• There's no set way to blog, everyone is different with their own story and life experiences.

2. Why blog?

• It can help give you a voice especially if you have social anxiety
• It can help raise awareness and understanding
• It can help you connect with others
• It can be therapeutic and get thoughts out of your head
• Making a difference and helping others feel less alone

3. What to blog about?

• Awareness
• Day to day life, the ups, downs and everything in between 
• What people may not know about the difficulties you might face
• Passions/interests
• What it's like living life differently/not how society expects you to - I have always been 10 steps behind people my own age.
• What empowers you
• What floats your boat
• Important not to sugarcoat

4. What website to set up a blog?

• BlogSpot
• Wordpress

5. Then what?

• There are options where you can change the design you want
• Create a title
• Photos or images can break up a blog

6. What if getting ideas down is hard?

• Assistive technology such as Read Write Gold can be helpful

7.  What I feel anxious/lack confidence in sharing?

• Share as much as you feel comfortable with
• Share with people who you know understand you
• Remember internet safety and be careful who you share with
• I experienced a not very nice catfishing experience which I wouldn't want others to go through 

8.  What I keep looking at other people's blogs and then lack confidence?

• It's easy to compare yourself to others we all do it (it's something I've found difficult.)
• We are all different and on our own journey in life and face our own challenges and focus on being the best version of you. 
• I'm sure there's lots of lovely things about you! It's easy to be too hard on yourself, I know self esteem is something I've always struggled with.
• Follow your own advice ( I need to remind myself of too!)
• But remind yourself why you blog and enjoy it!

Until next time.....

Square peg, round hole

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay in blogging - had a few quite challenging weeks social anxiety/anxiety wise. But it has also prompted me to write this blog. A few years ago when I was going through a difficult time my dad gave me some advice, "You're like a square peg in a round hole Rosie, you might never fit in but that's ok!"

Since I was little I've always been a very unique person who has never been quite in step with people my own age. Due to being dyspraxic/dyslexic and having social anxiety/anxiety, how I live life might be slightly different. For a start, there needs to be a lot more planning involved in day to day life for tasks or outings. Every day is different when you have dyspraxia, you never know what might happen. Every day is also different when you have anxiety as sometimes you never know when you might have a bad day or a moment of anxiety. It can feel at times that you're 10 steps behind everyone else, and the world around you is so busy and fast paced and go, go, go that it can be really overwhelming. It can seem frustrating and hard at times when you see others seemingly just getting on with it, whilst you're struggling to keep up and get even simple tasks completed. Whenever I was studying it always took me a lot longer than my peers to finish my work.

 It's important to remember, and I need to remind myself this too,  firstly to breathe, then that life isn't a race, go at your own pace, and live it in your own way. If you need to break down things like facing fears or completing tasks, if it's easier for you to process information or if you're having a particularly anxious day, then do it. I also get tired quite easily so it's important to factor that into the balance too.

It also means structure and routine are two things which are very important to me, it can take a while for my anxiety to feel settled in situations especially social situations, and I find lots of changes the thought of having to sit for a long length of time, overwhelming and stressful for me anxiety wise- I need things more broken down. Alongside living day to day life differently, there has always been a difference in interests to my peer groups. From a young age music has had a huge impact on my life, growing up being the only S Club 7 and Steps fan I knew. In a class full of students with pole different interests made me stand out. I'm someone who's always been quite passionate which has lead to me being misunderstood as people never understood how into my interests I could be. But music has helped me so much in life.  I will always say that whenever I've seen Mollie King in concert either solo or as part of The Saturdays, the moment she gets on stage it's like all my anxieties melt away. She with her reassuring, understanding and empathetic nature alongside the other groups I've liked have helped me through difficult times.(in previous blogs I've gone into more detail.)  This may not be something typical of someone approaching 30 in a few weeks, when a lot of my peers may be married or have children, but it's me.

But, having confidence in myself is something which I've always struggled with, growing up and in the workplace I experienced a lot of bullying for being different and was left out and felt misunderstood and isolated and I hit rock bottom and struggled with self harm.
  It's made making and maintaining friends more difficult for me. A lot of my social anxiety is a fear of criticism and judgement from people and a fear of making mistakes and embarrassing myself infront of others in a lot of social situations. I probably care too much about what others might think of me at times, doubt myself too much and worry I might have unintentionally upset someone. This is something which can make me go into my shell and take a while to trust others and come out of it alongside the physical elements of anxiety. My social anxiety/anxiety has had quite an impact on my life and has been quite crippling at times, living with anxiety is really hard at times.  I know I need to grow through these experiences and I'm currently having CBT and on the journey which I hope will help with my confidence and my anxiety. I'm grateful to the people in my life who allow me to open up in my own time, simply listen and accept me for who I am which helps me feel more socially relaxed around them in time. My mum is always telling me I need to believe in myself  a  bit more and remember my own advice. I'm trying my best, I never stop trying, always trying to learn and it's made me a lot more determined.

 I think as a society as a whole we need to remember that everyone is different and lives their lives differently. We all have our own unique tastes and the world would be a boring place if we were all the same. If you see someone might live their life differently please don't judge them, take the time to get to know them and find out more you never know what you might learn or find out.

My own experiences have made me be an inclusive person, as I've spent a lot of my life feeling like an outsider and hate the thought of someone being left out. They've made me more empathetic and compassionate too. It's also helped me see the bigger picture. I've also been able to use my passion in platforms such as: awareness work and this blog and be determined to help others. For all you square pegs in  round holes, whether through difference, disability or mental health, it's not just you, you're not alone. I really hope this blog might help some of you and maybe be of comfort. The right people in life will love you for you. You're stronger than you think  you are!
Until next time....

Dyspraxia, anxiety and blogging

Hello everyone, I hope you're well and this year is kind to you.

Everybody thinks and processes the world differently: some people think in words, others in pictures or  a combination of both. For me, I've always thought in pictures, I have a vivid imagination and I've always loved being creative (hence the name chosen for this blog.)  From a young age my dad and I were coming up with our own adventures and stories. But I've never found writing easy, either handwritten or the process of getting my ideas down onto paper due to dyspraxia/dyslexia. Although I would still say I find it a lot easier expressing myself in writing than socially due to social anxiety, as I discussed in the blog I wrote a few months ago.

 Before I continue, it's important to remember that no two people are the same and that everyone may have different experiences.

 A few weeks ago blog reached 200,000 views, something which I could never believe or dream of happening to me. I was in shock when I saw the figure. I always get told by loved ones that I need to have more confidence in my writing, that it can touch people and something which I should persue further. It's something I've always had to work really hard at so it's a real achievement to me.

The technological inventions have been such a blessing to me. From a very young age I have struggled with the fine motor skills required in simply holding a pencil, writing on the line through to  making the letters make sense. Using computers has been a life line for me learning to express myself

Organisation, as it has never been my forte in life in many ways, getting my ideas down onto paper, and structuring them to make sense has always been tricky. I can often use a lot more words than needed, and struggle sometimes with spelling. If you know me well the phrase, "I'm waffling on" and then going off on a tangent will be very familiar to you. I'm very lucky that my mum gives my blogs a read and a double check over for me before they're posted for any bits of proof reading I've missed out. This is something I'm practicing over time.

For me one of my biggest issues has always been my confidence and believing in my own abilities, which goes alongside having anxiety and comparing myself to others. It can be quite difficult blogging when I feel anxious as there's lots of thoughts going around make it difficult to concentrate. Being such a visual thinker can mean I can visually think of worst case scenario and everything which could happen, which can be really exhausting.  My anxiety will often tell me I'm writing a load of rubbish and that I will fail at it and nobody will relate to it. The lovely comments I receive are reassuring to me, give me a little boost and encourage me to keep going.

Growing up I had a lot of negative assumptions made about me: that I was stupid, lazy, needed to speed up and simply plain careless.When in reality it was taking my brain ten times longer to complete my work or come out of my shell. It made me feel so self conscious and  I've had to persevere for my voice to be heard.  I hope from the reassuring tone which I aim to set for my blogs, that I come across as someone who cares very much and has a lot of empathy for others.

 Blogging about anxiety and dyspraxia will always be important to me: using my visual way of thinking to be a story teller for others to hear my stories, ups and down in life, and to help others feel less alone.  I hope this might encourage others to maybe tell their story. Take care of yourselves, until next time...

The value of reassurance

Being dyspraxic tends to mean that a lot happens in your life, if I was to list every scrape or situation I've got myself into over the years I would be here for hours. From broken bones and trips to A&E, to loosing objects and myself, numerous bruises where I have no idea where they've come from, struggling making friends and finding social situations a challenge and experiencing bullying. You name it it's probably happened. Being dyspraxic all the awkward situations seem to happen to you. ASide  from sore and bruised limbs and a sore purse from replacing things which I've lost, it's made me think the worst possible outcome in a lot of situations and do quite a bit of avoidance and hiding. Anxiety is something which I talk quite a bit about in my blogs. Some anxiety comes I think naturally alongside dyspraxia but for some it has a lot more of an impact on day to day life and a diagnosable mental health condition. If you are experiencing the latter please don't do what I do and be scared to do anything about it till later in life.   When you're dyspraxic you face quite a few challenges, the world can be an unpredictable, overwhelming place and I've got myself into so many pickles, alongside that comes a lot of general and anticipatory anxiety, social anxiety and the fear of fear and those horrible physical symptoms anxiety can bring.

Something which can really help is reassurance, now the anxious brain can at times seem like you want constant reassurance that you haven't messed something up, people don't dislike you and you're not as bad as your mind tells you. Then there's the feelings you're going to die or have something life threatening when experiencing anxiety attacks or the physical side to anxiety.  Rationally of course you're not but when in the moment it can be so scary. For loved ones this can be hard to understand at times, and knowing how to help can be challenging. But a little bit of reassurance can mean a lot to someone when they are going through a challenging time in life. The little things can mean the world, often people with anxiety don't want a lot of fuss, but even simply listening to someone can mean a lot and that they will be ok and the anxiety won't harm them can help ease the storm a little.

For a lot of dyspraxics and people who struggle with anxiety, having confidence and self belief in yourself is something which is so much more of a challenge. I've often been told that I need to have more confidence in myself and to think more positively about myself. It's so easy to compare yourself to others and not feel good enough and over analyse every tiny mistake and failure you make. But it's so important to remember that we're all facing some sort of battle or challenge in day to day life. I think if you experience bullying or other not nice experiences in life,  it can  have a huge impact on how you see yourself. Challenging and changing those negative thought processes into more positive ones is something so much harder, it's not easy and can take a lot of time. It's something I'm still working on and hope CBT may help me with, but everyone is different it's about finding what works for you. I recently got given some advice is to when something positive happens or you face a fear, try and remember it and hold onto it when you next have a challenging situation come up. This is all easier said than done, it takes time, and something I'm still learning. But you're more than your struggles and your labels, everyone has something that they are good at inside them even if your mind tries to convince you otherwise.

The last few months have been quite a challenge for me anxiety wise, and I just wanted to say a little thank you for the little bits of reassurance, it means so much.
I still  have quite a way to go managing my anxiety,  but I'm looking forward to but still understandably terrified about a new chapter in my life and hopefully getting the help I need. I recently faced quite a challenging situation applying for a new job and although my social anxiety was in overdrive, both thoughts and physically I found out last week I got the job, so some good has come out of a difficult time.

  My own experiences have fuelled these blogs and I hope if you're reading this it gives you a little bit of reassurance that you're not alone. As I sit here writing this, with a bruised chin and knee after a fall over the weekend, if you as prone to accidents it's not just you.  One thing I hope from these blogs is people get is a sense of realness, sometimes they might not be the most positive of blogs but that's a reflection to the world we live in. But there's also positives within it, and people who understand, and when you're dyspraxic there's never a dull moment. Life can be a struggle, it's not all all rainbows and sunshines, you  just have to hold onto that little bit of hope, and that things will end up ok and this too shall pass.

Here's a little bit of reassurance which I got written for me recently, I thought it might help others to share it.

Dyspraxia and anxiety in the workplace

From a young age I've always loved helping people, when I was at primary school I would always rush over if I saw someone who had fallen over in the playground or who was upset. I remember lining up my cuddly toys (all named) in a big circle and pretending to be a teacher, I even made my own register. I've also loved animals of all kinds from having pet dogs all my life, to Elvis and Lucky the hamsters (who was named after the Britney Spears song- blame my dad!) I also loved horse riding. I always knew I wanted to do something which involved helping someone or something. It's important to remember that no two dyspraxics see the same and will decide to go into the same field of work.

But when I got into the world of work there was a problem,whilst I have empathy and understanding for others for miles. I also struggle a lot with day to day tasks in day to day life which many take for granted. Simple tasks which require fine motor skills, co-ordination, memory and organisation. My brain takes a lot longer to process information. When I'm tired or under pressure it makes me prone to mistakes, mistakes I often have no idea why they happened. Then you add anxiety into the mix and beating yourself up and it becomes a vicious circle.

Anxiety over new and the unknown has always been a struggle for me. It always takes me that bit longer to get my bearings and to feel comfortable both in my environment and with other people and to come out of my shell. When I get anxious I can become quite shaky and panicky, which when you already struggle with fine motor skills isn't the best of combinations.

When you become an adult there isn't a magic wand, your differences, disability or condition don't  simply disappear or you grow out of them.  People need support and empathy as they go through life. To the outside world dyspraxia can make you come across like you don't care, not trying hard enough, slow, messy and in a complete state of chaos. Or socially someone who appears very nervous or doesn't speak very much. Alongside the lack of dyspraxia awareness and understanding which is out there. This ignorance, bullying and general complete lack of understanding, it made my anxiety 10x worse, become too anxious to speak and in a really dark place. Being told you will never get anywhere in life can really crush your confidence, when you already don't have much of that as it is. After realising anxiety was controlling my life I made the step to go to my doctors where I got given a diagnosis of anxiety and the relief of that it wasn't just me being a worrier, it's something I wish I'd done sooner in life.

It's important however to find something you enjoy or are good at, and despite my experiences having an impact on my mental health they have shaped me into the person I am and my values. I'm able to show so much empathy for the students I support in my job as a learning supporting various students with difficulties, disabilities and mental health conditions. My experiences have made me patient, encouraging and I'll never give up on someone who struggles either a student or a friend. I can also think outside the box and see the bigger picture meaning I see different solutions to problems and a unique perspective on tasks. My border collie Toby is also a huge part of my life and well being and don't struggle in silence if you are struggling with your mental health if you're dyspraxic or not there is help and support out there it's about finding what works for you and hopefully through therapy it will help me learn  to control my anxiety and not let it control me.

With time and a little bit of understanding and empathy many people
With dyspraxia/anxiety can achieve. For me I just need little reasonable adjustments which can make a huge difference to me. It will always take me just that bit longer than others to get there which  has been frustrating alongside often high levels of anxiety. It's made it more difficult to feel proud of myself when I achieve something,  but rationally  I need to have more confidence in myself and it shows resilience and determination something I know I should be prouder of and I hope if you're reading this now and you can empathise I hope you feel proud of yourself.

Life isn't a race, it's a journey, we all process information differently, in our own ways at our own paces. We all have mental health just as we all have physical health, and we all have different personality types. The world we live in needs diversity and difference to thrive, and we can all do a little bit to be kind and help someone come out of their shell. You never know what you or your business might gain from simply seeing things from a different perspective. The little things really can make such a huge difference to someones confidence.

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Dyslexia Awareness Week 2016-Identifying Dyslexia

It's come round to that time of year again where it's dyslexia awareness week each year there is a theme, this years is  Identifying dyslexia. Some of you reading this blog will be thinking "But I'm not dyslexic, why should it matter to me?"

 Dyslexia matters to you, me, everyone out there, everyone at some point in their lifetime across all walks of life whether it be school, college, university, work will meet people who have dyslexia, when you watch your favourite TV show or listen to your favourite artist, there is a good chance one of them might be dyslexic too. As it is a hidden difference you never know who you might walk past in the street might be dyslexic or of course have any other hidden condition or struggle. At some point in life a dyslexic might help you for support in some shape or form maybe not just with reading or spelling but maybe with remembering instructions, directions, time keeping, general organisation of day to day life. You never know who is dyslexic so it's so important to have an open mind and show a little bit of understanding and empathy. Understanding is a common theme of my blogs and I think it's so vital. A little bit of understanding goes a long long way and can give someone a bit of a confidence boost no matter who they are.

There are so many people out there who are dyslexic and simply have no idea they are, they may feel like they are stupid, useless, that they have nothing to offer this world, crushed confidence and no self belief in themselves. Getting assessed and actually knowing if you are might be dyslexic is a huge issue at any stage of any individual's personal dyslexic journey. It can also be a catalyst for change and give a sense of acceptance and understanding as to why your brain might be wired in a different way and you might approach tasks and life in general in a different way. It also allows someone to see what strengths that they can give and offer the world. Such as thinking outside of the box, empathy, determination,  seeing a different perspective at problem solving. 

Neurodiversity is such a wide umbrella of various differences and difficulties, often co-occuring and overlapping. For me even though I was identified as dyspraxic at a young age, I always knew there was something else there, why I found my studies so hard, why reading all the course information took me 10x longer than anyone else and why my spelling well we won't even go there. After being made to drop qualified teacher status at university and experiencing ignorance, lack of understanding and bullying. It made my anxiety sky high, I felt depressed, stupid and hopeless and that I would never achieve anything and fell into a very negative cycle about myself.

I came across a member of a girl group who has been mentioned a few times over the years in this blog I read her story about dyslexia, I empathised and it gave me the courage to do something about it and in turn accept myself and the way my brain is wired more and I now help other students who learn differently as a learning support as a college. I still have a way to go managing my anxiety and feeling positive about myself but  I will always be so grateful to Mollie for speaking out in the media and raising dyslexia awareness and inspiring me in life. It's so important that different ways of thinking and processing are talked about more, not just in education but in day to day life. By talking we help people not feel isolated, alone and that it's not just them being them. We help people feel like they are a valuable member of society and can give something back. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we all saw the world in the same way. Make sure you come back to my blog next week for dyspraxia awareness week, let's get the world knowing more about dyspraxia! Until then be kind to yourself and always remember you are never alone and you most defiantly are not stupid, nobody is perfect we all make mistakes don't be so hard on yourself. Something I defiantly need to remind myself more of.

For more information about dyslexia and getting identified please check out Dyslexia Action British Dyslexia Association  or Helen Arkell 


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Looking deeper to understand dyspraxia and anxiety

On Sunday I walked the British 10k for with fellow dyspraxic blogger Natalie who has blogged about our very dyspraxic weekend and my boyfriend Matt. On the day we saw the streets leading up to Buckingham Palace lined up with thousands of people all with different charitable causes on their vests ready to take part in the run or walk in our case. Some of the causes were ones very well known, some less well known and some I'd never heard of. It really got me thinking of in life what so many people and their families go through often behind closed doors.

 So many people face struggles which are private and unknown to the world, whether is be difference, disability, mental illness, physical illness, bereavement, ignorance or bullying to name a few. Everyone is different in how or how much they choose to share with others and that's ok, but you're never alone.

The previous day  Matt got elected as social media trustee and ended up winning the Mary Colley award.  Which was on the day of the AGM and we all met with the youth focus group on creative ideas for a film to raise awareness which will be coming up. Over the weekend I felt like I was accepted as simply me, and through spending the weekend with Alice, who has blogged about the weekend meeting other dyspraxic young women like Maxine  I felt like I had a sense of belonging, and hadn't laughed so much in months.

From coming along to Dyspraxia Foundation conferences, it has given Matt a chance come out of his shell, and be given a chance to show what he's good at. He's always been someone who keeps himself to himself, and before we met never had the courage to leave his house apart from work, was too shy and anxious to speak to anyone. He always saw himself as a bit of a pessimist in life and never thought anything positive would happen to him. But for what he lacks in social skills he makes up for it in logic and ICT skills, someone also with passion and can enthusiastically rhyme off about Arsenal football club and Britney Spears tours.

The last few years haven't been easy but they have made us a lot stronger as a result of it all. He's seen the day to day struggles of  me being dyspraxic and living with severe anxiety and low mood, seeing me experience horrific ignorance and being being bullied leaving me in a dark place using coping strategies I wasn't proud of and experience a lot of misunderstanding in day to day life, which has affected my confidence and anxiety levels. But this is why there needs more awareness.

But also us turning a negative into a positive by this blog, achieving an award and masters degree and helping others along the way. Sometimes just getting us out of the house to face the day can be a huge task, never mind a 10k, so I'm always very grateful for all he does.

Matt gives me the confidence to share the strengths (creative ideas, determination , thinking out of the box,  and empathy and compassion for others) with others and use in a platform in my awareness work. From being at rock bottom it made us determined as a couple that nobody should feel or go through what we have alone, but hopefully educating others by the awareness work we do at the same time. It is also why as social media trustee Matt wants to link with mental health charities so dyspraxics have access that support.

Dyspraxia awareness has come a long way but still  has a long way to go so many people don't know what it is and awareness is so much lower than the more well known hidden differences, from that comes a lot of misunderstanding especially understanding the strengths and being socially misunderstood, the amount of times my social anxiety and shyness has been misinterpreted as being quiet passive or in my own world, or even rude when in reality my brain is working harder to process the information or worrying about making it mistakes and making an idiot out of myself which makes me go into myself even more. All it takes is people taking the time to get to know me so I can find the courage and trust to break down the walls I often put up to protect myself and come out from hiding, sometimes literally and let people in.

 It can be incredibly isolating and lonely at times feeling different to your peers, especially with familiarity of the people you know being dotted around the country. Which is why events like these are so important, they're simply more than just a conference or just about dyspraxia. When you struggle with social anxiety  or meeting new people it can be made so much harder, which I thought in this blog about anxiety and loneliness covered very well. But by having that acceptance it helps give someone the confidence that they can achieve something in life and have something to offer this world.

One thing is though is hidden differences, disabilities and illnesses need to be spoken about, people encounter ignorance, judgement, and lack of understanding on a daily basis. The more issues are talked about the less misunderstanding and stigma there will be and people feel less alone. On the day of the walk someone came up to us and asked about what dyspraxia was, we also had many shoutouts  from the main speakers. I would like to thank Natalie for agreeing to walk with me and help encourage me round with our many chats, Natalie's dad for following us round and taking all of the photos, the ladies at Dyspraxia Foundation, Alice and my mum for all their encouragement  and reassurance and cheering at 9k.

As someone who always says I do it for the causes and charities behind it without having much confidence in myself,  I felt a sense of achievement and I can say I'm proud of myself, which has taken years to be able to say. I was close to pulling out due to my anxiety and I was thinking every worse possible situation. It was completely out of our comfort zones, very nerve wracking but our determination got us round. Sometimes anxiety can lie to you it can make you believe you're useless and you won't get anywhere but sometimes everything ends up ok. I would also like to thank Mollie King for tweeting both myself and Natalie very randomly, it was a lovely surprise and thank you for taking the time to spread awareness of dyspraxia,  your empathy and putting yourself in someone else's shoes, it gave me such a confidence boost.

Everyone you meet in life is facing something in life, social media only gives a snapshot to what people experience or who they are, before you roll your eyes or pass judgement put yourself in someone else's shoes, have a little bit of empathy, find the courage to ask questions but most importantly be kind.

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Celebrating small accomplishments

Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, like one huge storm or huge bowl of tangled up spaghetti, we feel trapped or caught up in it all and don't know how to move forward.

When you think in a different way, have a disability or a mental health condition whether
you're an child, young person or adult it can be very easy to compare yourself to others and see others progressing a lot faster than you or find tasks which others find easy either terrifying, time consuming or in short just really hard. It can affect your self esteem, motivation and confidence.

It can be very hard and simply overwhelming knowing where to start tasks especially if you struggle with anxiety or being organised and easy to avoid doing the task completely. My boyfriend always says I'm the worst procrastinator he's ever met, when I feel overwhelmed it's safe to say time literally flies by and I wonder where all the hours have gone. Whilst avoidance can initially make you feel better, once you start overcoming those little hurdles and break down the big things into more manageable chunks they can seem a lot less overwhelming. If we are proud of the little things we can achieve it can give us the confidence to take the next steps and the next piece in the jigsaw.

I think it's important to remember, and also any of the parents who read my blogs, you or your child will have your/their unique milestones, your/their own victories no matter how small they may seem.
Dyspraxia affects day to day tasks many take for granted so, it could be making a sandwich, being able to put your socks on, being able to give someone eye contact or manage to clean the house. As you go through life the challenges which approach us change over time, location and situation, so what might challenge us as a  dyspraxic child might change slightly over time as to as a dyspraxic adult. There are also other factors to consider such as: late identification and other differences or mental health issues.

In my last blog I discussed the impact anxiety has on my self doubt and confidence. For me even though I have many coping strategies for my dyspraxia, I have quite a way to go anxiety, but the more anxious I get the more my dyspraxic coping strategies seem to When trapped in that cycle of self doubt it can make everything seem never ending. As someone who if there is something to worry about, I worry about, and knowing where to begin and what to face when sometimes even leaving the front door is a challenge is terrifying in itself can be terrifying, but sometimes you have to go back to basics. When you’re beating yourself up over everything, it’s really hard to be patient and kind with yourself, but you can’t just flick a switch to for these anxious feelings or to feel more confident. Take small steps, and congratulate yourself when you do.

How you go about celebrating these is personal to the person, some people may keep it private, others share on social media, some in facebook groups where people know others will "get it." Children may find things like stickers or certificates helpful, for young people and adults doing something you enjoy or treating yourself. I think it's really important to remember everyone is different and as hard as it is, not to compare yourself or your journey to others.

One thing which might help to write down (or type into a phone or laptop) the good things that happen to you or your child or put together a memory scrapbook or box. It can be things you’ve enjoyed doing, nice things people have said to you. Breaking challenges and tasks into more manageable chunks or lists either written or pictorially and the feel good factor when you tick or cross something off once you've achieved it. Memory can be a huge issue for dyspraxics/dyslexics and having things written down can help give a structure. They don't to be a major achievement – jot down or stick down the tiny things so when you're struggling or feel low you have things to look back on. They can also be a lovely way for you/your child to see how far you have come and how those pieces of the jigsaw I talked about earlier in the blog slowly start to piece together to form the bigger picture.

If you can’t find anything positive to say about yourself, maybe someone else can do it for you. Now I've always been awful at accepting compliments and think people are just being nice but asking a loved one to write down what they see as your positive qualities might give you a boost, maybe you could think of doing the same for someone else. A little bit of kindness and encouragement can go such a long way. I'm so grateful for the kindness in the words of those who have nominated me for a National Diversity Award, when voting finishes (in less than 2 weeks) I plan on printing them off to look at when I don't feel so wonderful. If any of these blogs have helped at all, it would mean a lot if you considered nominating me. https://nominate.nationaldiversityawards.co.uk/Nominate/Endorse/29669name=Rosie%20Edmondson

Confidence isn't something which grows on trees, and you might not have much of it right now, but you can start planting some seeds. With the right self-care, your confidence can slowly start to grow again. If nobody has told you this today, I'm proud of you!

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