Celebrating small accomplishments

Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, like one huge storm or huge bowl of tangled up spaghetti, we feel trapped or caught up in it all and don't know how to move forward.

When you think in a different way, have a disability or a mental health condition whether
you're an child, young person or adult it can be very easy to compare yourself to others and see others progressing a lot faster than you or find tasks which others find easy either terrifying, time consuming or in short just really hard. It can affect your self esteem, motivation and confidence.

It can be very hard and simply overwhelming knowing where to start tasks especially if you struggle with anxiety or being organised and easy to avoid doing the task completely. My boyfriend always says I'm the worst procrastinator he's ever met, when I feel overwhelmed it's safe to say time literally flies by and I wonder where all the hours have gone. Whilst avoidance can initially make you feel better, once you start overcoming those little hurdles and break down the big things into more manageable chunks they can seem a lot less overwhelming. If we are proud of the little things we can achieve it can give us the confidence to take the next steps and the next piece in the jigsaw.

I think it's important to remember, and also any of the parents who read my blogs, you or your child will have your/their unique milestones, your/their own victories no matter how small they may seem.
Dyspraxia affects day to day tasks many take for granted so, it could be making a sandwich, being able to put your socks on, being able to give someone eye contact or manage to clean the house. As you go through life the challenges which approach us change over time, location and situation, so what might challenge us as a  dyspraxic child might change slightly over time as to as a dyspraxic adult. There are also other factors to consider such as: late identification and other differences or mental health issues.

In my last blog I discussed the impact anxiety has on my self doubt and confidence. For me even though I have many coping strategies for my dyspraxia, I have quite a way to go anxiety, but the more anxious I get the more my dyspraxic coping strategies seem to When trapped in that cycle of self doubt it can make everything seem never ending. As someone who if there is something to worry about, I worry about, and knowing where to begin and what to face when sometimes even leaving the front door is a challenge is terrifying in itself can be terrifying, but sometimes you have to go back to basics. When you’re beating yourself up over everything, it’s really hard to be patient and kind with yourself, but you can’t just flick a switch to for these anxious feelings or to feel more confident. Take small steps, and congratulate yourself when you do.

How you go about celebrating these is personal to the person, some people may keep it private, others share on social media, some in facebook groups where people know others will "get it." Children may find things like stickers or certificates helpful, for young people and adults doing something you enjoy or treating yourself. I think it's really important to remember everyone is different and as hard as it is, not to compare yourself or your journey to others.

One thing which might help to write down (or type into a phone or laptop) the good things that happen to you or your child or put together a memory scrapbook or box. It can be things you’ve enjoyed doing, nice things people have said to you. Breaking challenges and tasks into more manageable chunks or lists either written or pictorially and the feel good factor when you tick or cross something off once you've achieved it. Memory can be a huge issue for dyspraxics/dyslexics and having things written down can help give a structure. They don't to be a major achievement – jot down or stick down the tiny things so when you're struggling or feel low you have things to look back on. They can also be a lovely way for you/your child to see how far you have come and how those pieces of the jigsaw I talked about earlier in the blog slowly start to piece together to form the bigger picture.

If you can’t find anything positive to say about yourself, maybe someone else can do it for you. Now I've always been awful at accepting compliments and think people are just being nice but asking a loved one to write down what they see as your positive qualities might give you a boost, maybe you could think of doing the same for someone else. A little bit of kindness and encouragement can go such a long way. I'm so grateful for the kindness in the words of those who have nominated me for a National Diversity Award, when voting finishes (in less than 2 weeks) I plan on printing them off to look at when I don't feel so wonderful. If any of these blogs have helped at all, it would mean a lot if you considered nominating me. https://nominate.nationaldiversityawards.co.uk/Nominate/Endorse/29669name=Rosie%20Edmondson

Confidence isn't something which grows on trees, and you might not have much of it right now, but you can start planting some seeds. With the right self-care, your confidence can slowly start to grow again. If nobody has told you this today, I'm proud of you!

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Detangling dyspaxic chaos

A lot of my blogs focus on the social and emotional side of dyspraxia but I thought I would write a blog about something I know many dyspraxics/dyslexics find very difficult in day to day life-organisation.

Organisation has never been something I've found easy and often found myself living in complete chaos with things everywhere, losing and forgetting where I've put items, organising where I need to be and when and with what items. Basically in short organising my life and everything in it. Luckily I have a boyfriend who's very logical and more methodological in thinking can be a great asset with organisation especially forward planning, but as we hope to move into our own home/flat at some point this year I know I need to develop some coping strategies to help myself.

When I feel disorganised everything feels chaotic and overwhelming, so hopefully decluttering will help calm my mind and help manage my anxiety better. As I will be dyspraxic all my life it will probably be something I will constantly find difficult and have to work 10x harder at but I hope some strategies will help a little. One thing I've realised over the years living with dyspraxia/dyslexia is that although shoving things into cupboards, drawers or on the floor may seem the easy option, in the long run trying to find them again is a completely different story.

1. Breaking tasks down and have a routine 

The thought of doing a lot at once can be overwhelming, exhausting and as a result very little gets done and more chaos often accumulates. Break down areas or tasks in a small chunks as small chunks as you need and what works best for you. Don't compare yourself  to others, just because someone else can blitz the house in a few hours with everything spotless, doesn't mean you're any less of a person. Make sure you take some time out to do something relaxing and something you enjoy afterwards or have something to look forward to. Breathe!

2. Don't feel embarrassed to ask for help

Needing some help with organisation is nothing to embarrassed about or to feel guilty for. Whether it be a family member a friend or a professional cleaning company. I've heard of quite a few adult dyspraxics who have asked for help to come into their home and help them. I know people can feel others might judge them, but surrounding yourself with empathetic people can be a blessing and do what is best for you and your day to day life.

3. Making lists and prioritising tasks

The amount of paper based lists I've made over the years which just simply have vanished into thin air. Or  the amount of times I've forgotten to write any kind of list and completely forgotten I have to do something. It could be as simple as putting the right shoe on each foot. Last Friday I ended up with one black shoe on and one brown, luckily I realised before leaving the house. I've had a few embarrassing moments turning up to work with clothes inside out and the labels showing. I find it easier to use an App (Google Keep for me but there's loads out there) on my phone where I can tick off when I've completed a task, I can also share the list with my boyfriend so he knows what's on the list too.

Don't feel embarrassed of what lists you make, if making a list with a routine of what order you need to carry out simple tasks helps then do it, doesn't make you less of an adult or a person. Then comes to prioritising the tasks on the lists and working out what is most important, something I find really tricky. Some dyspraxics find a traffic light system works for them, colour coding tasks red for needs immediate attention, amber in the next week and green in the next month. Then moving them up the priorities list.

4. Finding places for important items

Many times over the years I've gone downstairs or gone into a room with good intention of finding something and I've completely forgotten what I need or where I've put something. One of my most most common phrases has been to my boyfriend or mum, "have you seen where x is?" or "I can't remember where my y is" normally 5 minutes before I'm due out of the door.  Cue a mad state of panic and running around like a headless chicken with accompanying dyspraxic un-coordinated flapping and throwing clothing, duvets, and various objects around the room which resorted in more chaos.

At the moment I'm trying to get into a routine of putting important items in the same place, and having another list made on my phone of essential items I need to get out of the door. Another strategy I've seen people use is to type up on coloured card what they need for the day, print off and laminate and keep a few copies blue tacked up around the house and have one on you in person. When I buy things like phone cables, phone cases, purses etc I try and buy them not just because I like them but also because they stand out amongst other things, my iphone cable is bright purple, my phone is bright pink with a bright purple case.

5. Decluttering

I seem to own and attract a lot of clutter either on me in person or around me. Often my bag is like a Mary Poppins bag and has everything apart from the kitchen sink in it, often with many duplicate items in it, rubbish I've forgotten to throw away or have a lot of just incase items. I never seem to travel light and often pack way more than I need.

The same can be applied to my personal space, things just end up accumulating. I find I often get into routines of buying very similar items and have a lot of something, and can't resist a bargain. But is it really a bargain when you already have 5 of a similar item unopened probably stuffed in a drawer somewhere.

Often my living space can simply be overwhelming and I just never know when or how to start tidying it up, then I procrastinate and it ends up being left for even longer. As in the near future I will have my own home the thought of having many rooms all in a mess makes me feel quite sick. Something I'm planning on starting to do is tackle a little bit or a section at a time, taking regular breaks and knowing once things look a lot tidier it will make me feel a lot calmer, a calm surrounding leading to a calmer and happier mind.