Things take time

Hi everyone I hope you're well?

I first began to write this blog back before the first lockdown and have recently got around to re-editing it and proofreading it. 

I wanted to blog about something which I've been thinking about a lot recently and how a lot of things in life take time.

It can be very easy when you find day to day life more challenging to find yourself getting frustrated with yourself and question why something which others may take for granted may take you longer. I've always been someone who needs to have things broken down, as someone who has struggled with a lot of anxiety and social anxiety over time, I need to break my fears and situations of things I find more difficult to build my confidence up.

 At primary school, it was often assumed I wasn't trying hard enough or was being lazy when it was taking longer than my peers to learn or process the information and copy from the board, write neatly or play games in the school playground due to dyspraxia. In social situations especially in groups, new people, or people I don't know well,  people can often make comments like, "you're so quiet" instead of including me in their conversations when I've felt socially anxious which can be upsetting and affect my self-esteem. But the little simple things can mean a lot to someone. 

The world we live in can feel very fast paced and modern society can make you feel like you have to have achieved or done something by a certain time or age. For many people and for many different reasons e.g. mental health and/or disability these milestones can take a little longer to achieve. Learning to drive, finding your place in the world of work or studying, living independently, or simply going out and doing what you love and enjoy in life or day to day tasks can take a lot longer. Which can affect self-esteem and mood. Everyone works differently and has different life circumstances too. 

Just because someone takes longer to do something doesn't mean they don't want to be able to do it, they aren't being lazy. Their journey just might be in a different way down a different path. If anything it can make someone a determined, persevering person. It can also make them have empathy and understanding for others and their journeys in life. Don't give up on someone and keep believing in them when they struggle to. But simply listening can mean a lot.

Keep going, you're stronger than you think.

Being Heard

Hello, I know it's been a while since I've written a blog, I hope you're doing ok? Thank you for your patience with my blog, I really appreciate it.

Inspired by my wonderful friend Immie's blog, I thought I would write a blog about something important to me and the little things others can do to help. 

The world we live in (in normal times) can seem very fast and loud, and if you're quieter, you can struggle with processing information, and/or have any disability or mental health condition, it can feel like you can struggle to keep up. This can lead to painful and upsetting assumptions about who you are and your day to day life, affecting your self-esteem and mood. 

Being a quieter, softly spoken person, with dyspraxia and anxiety/depression, I've never found being assertive or social situations easy. People can assume quietness means weakness, or that you're a doormat or easy target/ pushover. This is far from the case but those assumptions can be hard.

Sometimes, you may feel like on the periphery of a group and not part of one even if you're physically present, it can feel like everyone is talking to everyone else but you feel on the outside. It makes you worry if nobody even notices you or makes you wonder if you would even be missing if you weren't there. These feelings of loneliness and isolation can be painful, depressing and also upsetting for those around you. Feeling left out and not invited to things really affected my self-esteem and mood. I began to question if I was likeable, if I had anything interesting to say or if I was good company. I always felt that I was an unpopular option.

It can feel frustrating and that your voice doesn't matter, but it's so important that different voices are heard. I feel in every school, workplace, university and friendship group there needs to be understanding of and most importantly value and appreciation of different minds, different personalities, so people don't feel less than. 

How can you help me and others who may need some patience:

1. Give me time and be patient with me and don't assume I don't have anything to contribute. Let me feel more settled.

2. Don't put me on the spot it can make me more anxious and I can freeze, give me time to prepare and process things.

3. If you want to ask me a question or know something about me ask me and don't go through anyone else or it can make me feel voiceless and awkward.

4. Be curious, take the time to find out more, ask questions, don't make assumptions. Understand we all have our own unique story and experiences. 

5. Be sensitive, appreciate that I've had some tricky experiences which have affected my self-esteem and I can be quite a sensitive person in general. 

My experiences have made me listen carefully to what others have to say, thoughtful and appreciative of what is important to them.  I also have a strong sense of inclusion and hate the thought of anyone being left out. I also am patient with others and have an appreciation of the tenacity involved in a situation.

You are enough as you are, and you matter. 

Until next time.....

Being Patient and feeling enough

Hello everyone, I hope you are well?
We have been living in such unprecedented  times and our daily lives have changed so much over the last few months. During recent weeks lockdown restrictions have been lifted allowing people to get back to a degree of "normal" life. But how and when people decide to do this may be different and it's important to be patient, not just now but generally in life.

The world we live in can be loud and very fast-paced, it can feel like you're constantly trying to keep up with it. It can feel like everyone who surrounds you is just getting on with things, not having to think too deeply or need support. You can feel like asking for help is seen as a weakness, or that being a highly sensitive, anxious, quieter person makes you not enough. But we are all different, we all process life and it's experiences at different times, all with our own unique perspectives and personalities. Some people like myself may find things more anxiety provoking may need more time and may feel things deeply. But being patient with someone can help both you and the other person. It can make them feel valued and heard, especially if perception and low self-esteem are issues.

I recently read a blog by my close friend Immie about the value of a mental health mentor and how as a dyspraxic quieter person, it can take time to not only find the right support but also open up about what is on your mind and experiences. It can take a lot of courage and perseverance to do this. What I am also learning is that we all need help, we're all human and it's ok to find the assertiveness to say if the help you're receiving isn't the right fit for you, it also doesn't make you unkind.

 It's something which I think needs to be talked about a lot more as you can feel like you're going through it on your own.  Being dyspraxic and having anxiety/low mood has always meant I've needed a bit more patience, whether it be with simple day to day tasks, studying or getting to know me. It also means I struggle with fatigue and depression and things can take quite a bit out of me. Being quieter with social anxiety it can feel like you're undervalued and that you have to fight for your voice to be heard. Also what you have to say is of interest or if anyone would want to listen. But the little things can make a huge difference to me and my self-esteem and self-worth. For me, it's made me thoughtful and a good listener and patient with other people and their struggles. 

It's also important to remember to be patient with yourself, and to show self-compassion and not be so hard on yourself. All of which I can find so hard.  Finding ways to express how you're feeling is different for the individual, either written, verbal or even through music and creativity. It takes quite a bit of time and trial and error to find what might or might not help you which I’m still learning. Social media can often create a false illusion of picture-perfect, whilst in reality, we all have struggles we all can find things tricky from time to time. I recently watched one of Stacey Solomon’s Instagram stories where she talked about being unapologetically true to herself and the right people in her life - finding what makes you happy. You might never be everyone’s cup of tea, but to those who love you that will always be good enough.

Until next time...

Long Distance Connections

Hello, everyone, I hope you are staying safe and well during these unusual times. I wanted to blog (for the first time in a long while) about something important to me and needs more understanding. This has become more spoken about recently due to the outbreak of the Corona Virus. Hopefully, during this period it will raise awareness of how precious connections can be with family, friends and pets for us all at and also generally when you don't find making those connections easy in the first place. I'm currently apart from my parents and border collie Toby- (animals can provide a lot of comfort to people who find social situations hard.)

As with all of my blogs I am only speaking from my perspective, everyone is different and experiences life differently. It's important to take the time to listen to someone and their story as an individual. Also, remember that there can be a lot more to someone's story than one blog post.

For some people making friends and finding people they connect with isn't easy. Especially if in their local area there isn't much understanding, awareness or opportunities which incorporate inclusion. It's easy for people to take for granted having family or friends living in close proximity, where you maybe can just pop round for a drink, a meal or a hug.

All of the above have applied to me. As a quieter person, who has always found social situations anxiety-provoking and had my fair share of misunderstandings and bullying. I also come from a quieter family and am an only child.  Making friends has never been easy for me and to be honest a really sensitive issue. I am dyspraxic and I have very different music taste to my peers and experience mental health issues of anxiety and depression. I also spend a lot of my time usually back home in Burnley Lancashire.  In short, it takes quite a long time to get to know Rosie and for Rosie to feel comfortable with people and to do things people maybe take for granted.

In the past, I've had difficult experiences of people not understanding why social situations and day to day life can be hard for me. Which is why understanding is important that not everyone has things close by and people do things in their own time. They didn't understand why I can't just do something, meet people, or go somewhere or why it's so anxiety-provoking for me. Also why my confidence in cities(and general) can be really difficult for me. Due to my difficulties, people didn't understand why it was taking me longer.  I've always struggled with low self-esteem and can also struggle with my mood too. It can make me overthink a lot and worry the same experiences will happen again, doubt how I'll be perceived and if people will always react the same. Anxiety can be tricky like that. The little things can mean a lot and make a difference.

Taking longer in life and being at distance from the people, things and pets I care about has made me an understanding, empathetic person who takes the time to listen. I'm grateful for the few people who take the time to listen to me and make me feel like my voice is important and matters.

After this period,  after seeing my family, dog and the few friends at distance I have. I want to build up my self-esteem and find more activities and connections where people accept me, and  I find my purpose to help with my mental health. Hopefully, in time I will be able to be more confident to be where I want to be in life, in my own way and time. Sometimes things aren't easy to explain, give a quieter person the time and space and you never know what you might learn.

Throughout this difficult time and in general please be kind to others, put yourself in other's shoes and understand that everyone is different and does things in their own time. Please don't compare time frames. If you see someone who's at distance from their loved ones show some kindness.

Take care of yourselves.
Until next time........

Taking time and listening

Hello, apologies for the delay in blogging, this blog will be my last one for 2019,

Listening has something which has always fascinated me and which is really important to me. If someone feels listened to they can feel heard, validated, believed in. It can be such a powerful tool in communication.

Listening to someone is also understanding that it is something which takes time so that the other person believes that they matter and have important contributions to offer. It's giving that person time to speak and able to put their trust in you. It's taking the time to empathise and realise that there may be more to them and to their story.

The world we live in is such fast-paced, especially with the rise of social media. This can leave those who maybe need time feeling left out or misunderstood. People can take a snapshot of what may assume they know a lot more. This was spoken about at the Dyspraxia Foundation Conference in London in the summer. Little things can make a huge difference.

As a quieter person who has anxiety and social anxiety, I know what it's like to feel left out and people assuming that there's nothing more to me, often focusing more outspoken others. It can affect my self-esteem, confidence, mood and anxiety.  I understand people can be wary to include people who are quieter, experience anxiety or other difficulties e.g dyspraxia.

Little adjustments such as: understanding if someone needs to leave early, or find a quieter space can be helpful and reassuring that they still enjoy their company. Often those of us who lack confidence can feel like we don't have anything interesting or important to say, we just need to believe we do and feel listened to rather than misunderstood. It's still really lovely to be invited and included. Even if someone may decide that something is not for them.

As a dyspraxic, this can also apply physical activities and there being more so there are more options for more supportive, inclusive activities to participate in.

A positive of being a very emotional sensitive person, is that it has made me a caring and empathetic and I hope I take the time to listen to others whether humans or animals. However, I struggle to not take things personally,  and can be sensitive to the tone of voice and perceived criticism and rejection. I'm a very deep thinker as you may gather from reading these blog posts I'm a huge over-thinker and worrier due to anxiety and low mood. I can struggle to communicate my feelings and thoughts so can be hard for those around me see me being hard on myself and getting overwhelmed, but my counsellor is trying to help me believe that I do matter and am important.

These things take time and time to discover what might help. Which is still very much ongoing for me. We are all different and have our own journeys in our own time frame.

You never know what you might learn from someone. You might even be surprised. Please take the time to read my boyfriend Matt's blog: Quiet people have a voice too. 

  I'm so grateful to those who do give me time and stand by me; and my border collie Toby who offers unconditional love. Thank you for reading my blog. Next year I hope to be kinder to myself and believe in myself more, build up my confidence and manage my anxiety/low mood.

It's really important that people feel that their voices matter and feel valued and appreciated.

I really hope this year is kinder to everyone, wishing you a Happy New Year.

Until next time....

Everyone’s story is different

Hi everyone, after a bit of a break from blogging, I thought I would blog about something which has become quite close to my heart. It has recently been Mental Health Awareness Week.

Everyone has their own story, their own life experiences, their own ways of seeing the world. They will have lived in different life and family circumstances surrounding us, even different pets.
Sometimes people may not fit into a neat little box.

As someone who has lacked confidence in myself, is quieter, experiences social anxiety, anxiety, depression and dyspraxia. I have faced a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions.

When you lack confidence in yourself and your opinions it’s very easy to feel like you don’t have a voice, that you and your voice doesn’t matter and people will walk away or ignore rather than listen. So it's easy not to say anything, which can lead to feelings of isolation. I’m someone who’s had a limited support network and faced some not nice experiences or people in my time. I like to hope it's made me non-judgemental/empathetic/open-minded.

I grew up in a time where awareness of mental health and disability was simply not talked about. Some of these experiences are difficult to talk about and may not make the blog or my social media. There may be a lot about someone you don’t know about or their story so please be open-minded and non-judgemental. There needs to be more understanding of issues invisible to the eye.

Joining in and initiating conversations can often be anxiety/panic-inducing, it doesn’t mean someone is rude or anti-social but it may just take them more time to feel more comfortable people and build their confidence often in a safe place or with a safe person to find their voice . Just because someone is quieter it doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to say, options or interests. People have often assumed there's nothing to me. On the outside looking in it can sometimes that I'm not wanting to do something, being rude or not trying hard enough as it can take me a lot longer, especially if it's something new or unknown.  But it doesn't mean I'm not persevering nor that I don't care.

When someone is quieter it is very easy to slip through the net when it comes to needing help and support. When I was at school the people who struggled were seen as the ones who shouted out too loudly or had a lot of behavioural issues. I was the opposite: I lacked confidence, was too shy to put my hand up in class and spent a lot of time by myself being left out of situations and conversations.  I withdrew into my own rich, deep fantasy world. I was also very tall and physically clumsy and was always picked last for P.E.  I also always hated drawing any kind of attention to myself. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling, finding things difficult or that I wasn't trying either.

It helps if I still feel included and included in conversations as joining in conversations can be really difficult for me and my social anxiety, and even in adulthood I've felt left out of situations, photos or conversations.  I worry that people don’t want me there/like me/enjoy my company and has lead to feelings of social isolation or depression. Being listened to is so valuable and when people do little things like check in with me or listen to me it can make me feel valued and appreciated. I’ve never had much of that, so when it does happen I really do appreciate it. Especially amazing friends I’ve met through the Dyspraxia Foundation. Most importantly it helps if people are patient with me, force me to speak up and I’ll close up. Give me time, value and appreciate me and I’ll reveal more about myself.

Due to my anxiety, especially really high levels of anticipatory anxiety (worry about what may happen or how I'm perceived), and generalised worrying- you name it I can overthink it and low mood.  I can find various situations difficult. Some things as a dyspaxic may be more difficult for me than others, I for example: I am a mucky pup and can struggle with simple things such as: brushing my hair/teeth. I love pop music and am an only child and have had other health issues, others may not have experienced this.

It’s really important not to make assumptions about someone, their story or their difficulties or strengths. Also don’t compare people, their stories and their experiences but take the time to listen and let someone share in their own time when they feel comfortable. Don’t stop inviting/including friends to things even if they say no or have to leave early. Be patient, day to day tasks can take longer and energy consuming so be kind.

Asking for help and support can be really difficult for people who may be struggling with their mental health, it can be easy not to want to bother someone or burden them with their problems or It can also be hard to know what help there is out there and what may or not be helpful.

When you read someone's blog please remember that they're still a work in progress, still figuring things out and how to help themselves and navigate life. Things take time, please be patient with us.


My boyfriend Matt is running some events this year to raise awareness of mental health and dyspraxia and funds for Dyspraxia Foundation.  To read our story, and to sponsor him: https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-display/showROFundraiserPage?userUrl=MattRosie19&pageUrl=1

You're a lot stronger than you think, be kind to yourself, keep going.

Here's a photo of my rescue border collie Toby who has recently lost his eye. Sometimes even our pets have their own story. 😉

Until next time....

2019 in review- You are not alone

Hello everyone,

It's come to the time when I write my end of year blog. It really doesn't feel like two minutes since I wrote my end of year blog last year.

This year has been a pretty hard year for me for a number of reasons and circumstances. I've also struggled a lot with my mental health, but I'm grateful for the support of the people who I've had in my life. I've never found making friends easy or had many of them for that matter either so those of you who have taken the time to listen to me, it means a lot to me - thank you. 

There can be a lot of comfort in not feeling like you're alone, the opposite are feelings I have known well - talking about I feel and about the things I find difficult has never been the easiest for me due to social/general anxiety.  I've always worried if people will be understanding and supportive or if they will laugh, judge, simply not get it or if I will bother others. Also expressing my thoughts and emotions is difficult for me. 

Due to my anxiety/social anxiety and dyspraxia, day to day life and situations can be a challenge and I also can experience panic attacks and low mood. I’m also a big overthinker and have challenges with confidence and low self-esteem. It can take a while to get to know me and for me to feel comfortable, especially due to my anxiety and quietness. It can be so easy to think it's just you who finds these situations difficult or why you may feel down.

I also struggle to find confidence in sharing my ideas and opinions due to my social anxiety, I can worry that I will offend people or that my ideas, stories or experiences aren't interesting and others will roll their eyes and think, "what is she on about?"

There's been a lot of talk about mental health in the dyspraxia world this year which in my opinion is a long time coming, but I hope in future this is something which is developed more alongside the social difficulties people may face. I think it's really important that people aren't put into the same bubble and that people are known as individuals with their own unique circumstances so that there aren't stereotypes. 

Some people may have different challenging situations to me, or complete them in a different time frame, or may have had more of a support network - outside of close family and had more general support -than me. Understanding is also something which takes time and time to get to know people.

This year my boyfriend Matt became vice chair of the Dyspraxia Foundation. A quieter member of the board who has used his IT skills, passion and understanding from his own experiences and his anxieties and difficulties in social situations. He is building up his confidence to promote inclusion within the charity which is something important to him/us. I am also grateful for the members of the youth group I have had the opportunity to meet and spend time with and those who from
various communities I’ve spoken to online. You have really opened my eyes.

This year I've realised that things take time and that it's ok to be on your own journey and time frame. Also that I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.  Next year I hope to believe in myself more, build up my confidence and manage my anxiety/low mood.

Thanks to Matt for all of his support and strength this year and a special thanks to my border collie Toby who is always happy to see me, appreciative of snuggles and for always wanting a toy to be thrown. I am very grateful for the kind words Mollie King has given me this year, they give me strength in difficult times. I hope this next year is a bit kinder.

I hope the year ahead is kind to you,
Take care  of yourselves

Lots of Love

Rosie

xxx

Mental Health Awareness Week 2018- Sensitivity

Hi everyone, I hope you’re well?
I wanted to blog about the value of sensitivity when discussing mental health issues, when someone may disclose they have a difficulty or in general when someone may be not finding life not that easy. Although this blog focuses on Mental Health Awareness Week sensitivity is important when discussing any kind of difficulty, disability or condition and not just relevant to mental health. Many people may have co-occurring mental health problems alongside a disability or difficulty, such as: dyspraxia.

I’ve never been someone who finds it easy to talk about myself, how I feel or the struggles I may be having at a particular moment in time. As someone who has social anxiety/anxiety, my fear of judgment has always been pretty high. A fear of what if someone laughs at me, dismisses me or even worse tells me off or shouts at me for finding life a bit more challenging than they do. I don’t think anyone can fully understand what it’s like to have experiences of mental health unless you have faced challenges yourself but we can all show some empathy.

From an outsider looking in perspective when someone may be facing issues invisible to the eye, be feeling overwhelmed and unfocused with anxiety or withdrawn from the low mood and that they are simply being lazy or not trying hard enough. The world we live in is very fast paced and very go, go, go. So it can be difficult for many people to understand why other people may simply can’t just do something, it took them a longer period of time or why they may get overwhelmed or low with tasks many people simply take for granted. When you add other difficulties  and disabilities to the mix, it adds another layer to the equation. There are also so many different perspectives on mental health, no two experiences are the same. Charities such as: Time To Change and Mind do a lot of work to help to reduce stigma.

But, many people who struggle with their mental health also have difficulties with their self-esteem and confidence. There’s a good chance that we will already be hard on ourselves, or maybe be more sensitive. So sensitivity or a listening ear can mean a lot to someone who is going through a difficult patch. Shouting or insensitive comments or looks don’t make someone feel better about themselves, in fact, it can make things more difficult.

From my own personal experiences due to the invisibility factor, there’s also a fear of people thinking you’re lazy or not trying hard enough. I know well how situations, places and things people take for granted are far from easy to me. Situations which many people wouldn’t think twice about such as transport, getting my hair cut, going to the dentist or going to a concert to name a few. Can be a lot more anxiety and panic-inducing for me and then is the low mood from depression which can come from life too. I know too well how words can make you feel when you're already finding things difficult, but how the sensitivity of others and some understanding can mean a lot too. I would like to thank people for standing by me recently when life has been a bit tough, it means more than you'll ever know.

Sensitivity can help someone believe in themselves when they struggle to and open up and talk when it might be hard.

You’re stronger than you think!

Until next time...

On Sunday my dad and my boyfriend Matt will be running Manchester 10k in aid of Mind and Dyspraxia Foundation to raise awareness. I don't like asking people for money, as I know money is tight at the moment, but every penny helps to make a difference.

Mind: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/rosiemattmind18
Dyspraxia Foundation:  https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/rosie-edmondson1

Finding Out More

Hello everyone, I hope you are well?

 I'm sorry for the delay in posting since my last blog it's been a bit of a difficult few months for me- this blog is quite from the heart and took courage to write, so please be kind whilst reading it.

I wanted to write this blog about the value of finding out more, especially when someone has social anxiety, finds it harder to express themselves or talk about how they feel. Checking in with a friend or loved one and asking, "how are you?" or "how are things?" For a lot of people talking about how they feel can be challenging: maybe due to fear of rejection/judgement, finding it difficult to explain or finding the right words. I think it's about finding a balance however, so not to overwhelm someone by asking too many questions, personal questions, or making them feel under pressure.

As someone who has had fear of rejection from a young age and has never been an outspoken person, especially in group situations due to social anxiety/anxiety, I've always struggled to talk about myself and how I feel. In social situations, when it comes to my turn, finding the confidence for me to share my ideas or speak up or stand up in front of a group, can anxiety inducing and is a lot more challenging. It doesn't mean I don't have an opinion/ideas: it's just harder for me and it takes time to feel comfortable and relaxed with people.

One of the best things you can do to be there for someone who has a mental illness, condition or difficulty is to firstly listen, then take a little time find out more. Read blogs, watch Youtube videos, read information on Charity websites. By educating yourself you help to gain awareness not just for someone you care about but also other people. Whilst there is more mental health awareness around in current times, awareness and understanding of dyspraxia are still limited. It's more than just simply being a bit clumsy.

It's important to remember everyone has different challenges and deals with things differently. Just because your friend's friend /next door neighbour has difficulties with their mental health or is dyspraxic doesn't mean they will be the same as me. People can also find different situations more challenging than others.  My anxiety can take various forms: generalised, health-related and social. I can also experience panic attacks anxiety-based depression.

Some people like to use an "outsider looking in" approach to finding out more about someone, but for people who may have anxiety/mh challenges, this may be more tricky, as is the case also for any invisible difficulty. Sometimes you have to look beneath the surface. You cannot tell fully, no matter what someone puts on Social Media, whether they are having a good/bad day, so always try and show some kindness. Even though I've been blogging for a while now there are still things people may not know about me and chapters of my story not told.

But most importantly find out more to get to know who someone is as a person, to get to know their heart and soul. What floats their boat and  and what their interests and passions are.

Putting us under pressure to open up or do things, however, doesn't help, we need to be given time and empathy. Be in someone's corner, by showing your support, whilst it doesn't take away their challenges, it can mean that they aren't facing them alone. For many people, confidence and self-esteem are quite big issues which can go alongside other difficulties.  I know from my own personal lived experiences in my day to day life, words of support can mean a lot.

 Our lives are like a book but there may be chapters of the story which are untold. By taking the time to find out more you can help someone unlock their pages and help to write the future.

Until next time.......

The value of empathy, and understanding

Hello everyone,

Having empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to show them some kindness and care.  I don't think you can truly fully understand what someone is going through whether it be a mental health condition, difficulty or disability but we can all try and show someone a little bit of compassion and kindness.

As with all of my blogs, no two people are the same, and everyone's experiences are different.  We all have our own personal experiences, stories and there are so many different perspectives, even from those in similar situations. For example, someone else may experience anxiety/depression like me but have different triggers. The same with any other difficulties: the charity Dyspraxia Foundation use the phrase, "when you've met someone who's dyspraxic, you've met someone who is dyspraxic."  It's very easy to put people into a box when in reality we are all unique and present uniquely. We all come from different backgrounds, have different family circumstances and different interests.

As someone who has anxiety/social anxiety, I can overthink and worry about many things and find various situations challenging.  My brain can be like a runaway train,  doubting yourself for situations upcoming or ones you've been in, overthinking anything and everything struggling to switch off. Some of the thoughts you can have when you have social anxiety can be; that people will judge you, laugh at you, look at you or are upset with you. These thoughts can trigger the physical symptoms of anxiety/panic and then affect my mood. If you know someone who has anxiety or is, in general, an over-thinker the little things can really help us. This could be; being aware of your tone of voice, being careful of your words e.g. telling someone "not to worry/panic" isn't helpful, or giving someone a few words of reassurance or kindness or encouragement if a situation is challenging.

Likewise, with dyspraxia my brain and body process information more slowly which means things can take longer to pick up, do or learn. A little bit of time and patience can be lovely.  In all areas of life, it takes me time to build up my confidence. The little things can really mean a lot to me, and which is why I try and be compassionate and understanding to other people.

Last week, my boyfriend Matt and I had our 6th anniversary of being together, we are very similar but at the same time very different people. Being in a relationship with Matt has taught me to have empathy for things which he finds more challenging (social situations and anxiety) and his love of Arsenal Football Club and Britney Spears. I'm grateful to him believing in me. Also thanks to friends and to the lovely Mollie King who I am forever grateful for her kindness.

To anyone who might need this today, no matter where you are on your journey, you are enough and you are good enough. You and your voice and opinions have much value, you matter.

Until next time..

World Mental Health Day 2017

Hello everyone, October 10th is World Mental Health day. An issue which affects so many of us and our loved ones. Up to 1:4 of  us will struggle with our mental health at any time. I didn't want to repeat myself from previous blogs so I think this one will be quite a short one!

Even though for many people talking isn't easy. I've always been someone who has bottled up how I feel and my emotions and never found opening up or talking about my anxiety or low mood easy, through fear of judgement or bothering others. I'm grateful to  some of the people in my life who have allowed me to open up a little more and I've found writing this blog therapeutic.

It's ok to talk and it's important to end the stigma surrounding mental illness and those who suffer from it. The more we talk about  issues such as mental health and invisible difficulties and disabilities, the less isolated people may feel. This week is also dyspraxia awareness week.  Most importantly take the time to listen, just having someone who listens can mean so much to someone.

You never know who may be struggling with mental health or with any issue invisible to the eye. Always be kind.

Everyone is different and finds different ways help, there is no one size fits all approach. Go at your own pace. But you're a lot stronger than your mind is telling you at times.

Until next time....

This week is al

Online Friendships and Communities

Whilst it's important to be mindful of the internet and what goes on it, I  thought I would write about online friendships and the value they can have in your life.

When you have never found making friends easy, are different for whatever reason and don't quite fit in with your peers, or face difficulties or challenges in your day to day life, the internet can help you connect with others either with similar interests, values or challenges you might be going through.

When people see I've met others through the internet it can often puzzle them  as to how the internet can bring people together.  If my boyfriend and I are asked how we met and we say, "the internet," people assume internet dating, and when we say "through shared music," therefore it can often bring some  interesting looks. It's scary to think without the internet I would never have met my boyfriend or some of my closest friends.

For many the internet can be a lifeline, it can offer peer support including concerning mental health. Online chats and blog sharing can be helpful learning of others experiences. I'm grateful for the chats I've had from people from the mental health community, thank you for being supportive. Charities such as: Mind and Time to Change do amazing work.

The Dyspraxia Foundation offers a youth Facebook group and other online communities for those with the condition. Although awareness is on the rise, it is still poorly understood and many people still don't know others who are dyspraxic in their day to day lives. It gives people the chance to share  experiences with others who understand in a safe place.

Then there can be online communities for music,  for people to connect with others with similar passions and find a sense of escapism. As my boyfriend once said, "pop bands don't last forever, but the memories, and friendships pull through." Music and the people I've met through it have helped me a lot in life.

I can come across as quiet due to my social anxiety, until I feel comfortable with someone or a situation and feel relaxed enough to bring my protective walls down. I'm grateful the internet has given me the chance to find some people who have taken the time to get to know me.

From a social anxiety perspective I can find it hard in social situations to relaxed enough to let myself go. I know for many with anxiety we can struggle to relax and live in the moment, which I discussed in my last blog. Friend and fellow blogger Anxiwarrior has written this great blog about laughter. I hope in time that side of me comes out more. Grateful for those who try and help that side of me come out.

The little words of encouragement or a listening ear and people believing in meu when I have been struggling with my anxiety or going through difficult times in life have meant a lot to me. Thanks for understanding also if I take a while to reply sometimes. Being able to talk to people who don't judge means more than I can put into words.

The internet isn't always easy, it's important to be careful and stay safe. It only gives a snapshot of who people are in their daily lives. But it can also offer a platform for raising awareness of important  and help make a difference to them. Being able to make a difference to causes close to my heart and helping others has helped me give back.

Going through what I have has made me appreciate the people in it and the little things and grow as a person  I hope you know who you are and how much you mean to me.


Having people you connect with who live a long way from you, can be difficult, can make saying goodbye even more so, but the time spent together cherished.

Until next time....

Mental Health Awareness Week 2017

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week. I always think awareness weeks should be more than just a week and awareness should be carried out all the time. Mental health is often overlooked and stigmatised, yet there's a high chance that you reading this blog, someone you love or care about or know of will have been affected by mental illness at some point in your lifetime.

Recently in the press Everton footballer player Aaron Lennon was in the press after being admitted to hospital. There was a huge outcry on social media and questions asked, such as, "How can someone in the public eye have a mental health condition?" When just like physical health, it does not discrimate who can be affected it doesn't matter who you are, what job you have or lifestyle you lead  Mental Health can affect anyone at anytime in their life time.

Quite a while ago a mental health therapist told me that I didn't look like an anxious person and I couldn't have the mental health struggles I did as I have Matt my boyfriend and a few friends who I will be forever grateful for. Mental health doesn't have a look, and affects people differently at different times in their lives. Whilst there may be a criteria for diagnosis, everyone is different, what might be a trigger for one person might be completely different for someone else.

Whilst awareness is crucial, it's also important that change happens and with so many cuts happening left right and centre for mental health , that people get access to the right help and support they need and deserve to manage their struggles more easily.

Finally, to those who have experienced mental health difficulties: keep going, keep persevering. Never loose hope, tomorrow is a new day.  You deserve as much kindness and compassion as you willingly give to others. You're a lot stronger than you think you are and if nobody has told you this today I'm proud of you.

It's important we keep the conversations going about mental health, you never know when or how you might be affected by it. Alongside dyspraxia/invisible difficulties awareness it will always be something important  to me and I'll be passionate about. Until next time....

A blog of gratitude

When you have any kind of need, difficulty, mental health condition or disability the focus is usually  on the person with the diagnosis. In this blog I wanted to say a thank you to those in my life who have supported and helped me through.

Making and maintaining friends is something which I've always struggled with. I'm someone you have to spend time with and get to know, so I can come out of my shell. My interests have always been slightly different to my peer group and I'm a unique soul.

If you know nothing about dyspraxia, it can seem pretty difficult to understand with its many different things challenging aspects. As with having an anxiety disorder/social anxiety, unless you have it yourself or know someone with it, it can seem really difficult to understand. Growing up and into adulthood my difficulties made me very socially misunderstood: I was left out, I went through bullying and  I was always the person nobody wanted to be friends with. I've experienced loneliness, feeling isolated and detached from others.
Having social anxiety and being a naturally shy person can mean that sometimes I'm misinterpreted as being rude or disinterested. I can also be quite softly spoken. But also creative and I'm able to think outside of the box.

5 years ago I came into what is now a long term relationship, with a man who will openly admit he didn't know much about anxiety and didn't have a clue about dyspraxia. A man who has his own social anxieties and difficulties and can take a while for him to feel relaxed in social situations and come out of his shell. But also a complete technical whizz. That man is my boyfriend Matt. Over the last few years there have  been ups and downs. Living with someone with anxiety is not the easiest at times and it has been quite challenging for both of us, with all of the irrational thoughts and physical symptoms. I feel like the word anxiety is freely used a lot in society these days. But he has always seen Rosie, and accepted me for me. We don't have a "typical" relationship of people our age, we're probably both 10 steps behind everyone else and we very much do things in our own unique ways. Most importantly he has tried to build me up when I don't believe in myself and been patient when anxiety has tried to push him away. He knows I will always need that bit more time, patience and understanding, as will he.  He has supported me through so much, been my rock and never gives up on me and motivates me to help myself and sees my strengths.

The same could go for the people in life I'm lucky to call friends,  people who I've met through awareness work, and people who have taken that little bit more time to find out more and get to know me and allow me to come out of my shell.  I still find social situations challenging and making friends.  Sometimes anxiety might mean I can go quiet for a while, or I've had to make other plans or leave early.   To those who see Rosie and  listen to my waffle! (I can imagine that line has provoked a laugh from a few of you!) I'm very grateful to  you and to my parents who had to fight difficult battles to get me a diagnosis growing up. I don't find accepting compliments or being centre of attention easy at all due to my social anxiety and find it a lot easier to make others centre of attention and found it easier to talk about and advocate for others a lot easier than talking about me. Alongside my confidence this is something to work on.

6 years ago I was lucky to meet a lovely lady who I look up to, if you've read my blogs previously you'll know who it is. I will be always be grateful for the empathy and understanding she has. Mollie, always seems to see the bigger picture and takes her time to listen to what fans have going on in their lives and give a few reassuring words or a hug.

Lastly , thank you for reading this blog, it will always mean so much to me. Going through what I have has made me appreciate the people in it and the little things. It's made me see the bigger picture and not judge others and give people a chance.
The world would be a boring place if we were all the same.

Until next time...

Dyspraxia, anxiety and blogging

Hello everyone, I hope you're well and this year is kind to you.

Everybody thinks and processes the world differently: some people think in words, others in pictures or  a combination of both. For me, I've always thought in pictures, I have a vivid imagination and I've always loved being creative (hence the name chosen for this blog.)  From a young age my dad and I were coming up with our own adventures and stories. But I've never found writing easy, either handwritten or the process of getting my ideas down onto paper due to dyspraxia/dyslexia. Although I would still say I find it a lot easier expressing myself in writing than socially due to social anxiety, as I discussed in the blog I wrote a few months ago.

 Before I continue, it's important to remember that no two people are the same and that everyone may have different experiences.

 A few weeks ago blog reached 200,000 views, something which I could never believe or dream of happening to me. I was in shock when I saw the figure. I always get told by loved ones that I need to have more confidence in my writing, that it can touch people and something which I should persue further. It's something I've always had to work really hard at so it's a real achievement to me.

The technological inventions have been such a blessing to me. From a very young age I have struggled with the fine motor skills required in simply holding a pencil, writing on the line through to  making the letters make sense. Using computers has been a life line for me learning to express myself

Organisation, as it has never been my forte in life in many ways, getting my ideas down onto paper, and structuring them to make sense has always been tricky. I can often use a lot more words than needed, and struggle sometimes with spelling. If you know me well the phrase, "I'm waffling on" and then going off on a tangent will be very familiar to you. I'm very lucky that my mum gives my blogs a read and a double check over for me before they're posted for any bits of proof reading I've missed out. This is something I'm practicing over time.

For me one of my biggest issues has always been my confidence and believing in my own abilities, which goes alongside having anxiety and comparing myself to others. It can be quite difficult blogging when I feel anxious as there's lots of thoughts going around make it difficult to concentrate. Being such a visual thinker can mean I can visually think of worst case scenario and everything which could happen, which can be really exhausting.  My anxiety will often tell me I'm writing a load of rubbish and that I will fail at it and nobody will relate to it. The lovely comments I receive are reassuring to me, give me a little boost and encourage me to keep going.

Growing up I had a lot of negative assumptions made about me: that I was stupid, lazy, needed to speed up and simply plain careless.When in reality it was taking my brain ten times longer to complete my work or come out of my shell. It made me feel so self conscious and  I've had to persevere for my voice to be heard.  I hope from the reassuring tone which I aim to set for my blogs, that I come across as someone who cares very much and has a lot of empathy for others.

 Blogging about anxiety and dyspraxia will always be important to me: using my visual way of thinking to be a story teller for others to hear my stories, ups and down in life, and to help others feel less alone.  I hope this might encourage others to maybe tell their story. Take care of yourselves, until next time...

Christmas Socialising

It's the time of year filled with busyness, tinsel and sparkles but not everyone finds this time of the year easy. Many people find social situations more challenging in day to day life for a whole range of reasons. It can often be something which people are self conscious to admit to, something many take for granted and simply something which isn't talked about. Last year I blogged about Christmas being chaotic in general but this year I wanted to focus on the more social side of things which I've always been more self conscious talking about. As with all of my blogs, everyone with anxiety or dyspraxia is different so not everyone will find everything I talk about challenging.

This time of year can mean the thought of more social situations such as: family get togethers, meals with friends or works Christmas do's. I thought I would give an insight into some situations those with anxiety and dyspraxia can go through in the hope it might help some of you or your loved ones understand what might be going on and how you can help a little. If you've read my blogs previously you will know my anxiety makes me a huge worrier, over thinker. The amount of social situations I've been in where I've worried everyone will look at me due to social anxiety, worry I'll make a complete idiot out of myself or worry about all the little things which I could have said or done. I can assume everyone will think I'm bothering them and they think badly of me. I've been known to go into hiding or run out of situations when feeling anxious as it can take me a while to feel settled, less on edge or get my bearings.

What I've found helps me is telling a friend I find situations difficult beforehand can be helpful and taking a few minutes out to do some breathing exercises if it all gets too much. It's also important to remember so much of what you worry about never happens or is never true. Anxiety is a pretty challenging disorder to understand it can take a long time to get your head round it and I know for me it's going to take time. But if you're struggling don't be scared to speak out, there are people who will understand.

At this time of year places are a lot busier than normal, bars, restaurants, transport. Crowds can be overwhelming at the best of times if you struggle with anxiety. The physical side of anxiety can be challenging to understand. I find crowds and being in groups of people a real challenge, I think I'm going to get trapped and become unwell/have panic attacks. Then everyone will be looking at me.  My brain is always planning an escape route.  But I think it's important to set your challenges at your own pace and you're more capable than you think you are. Fellow blogger Anxiety Warrior has written an insightful but very real blog about tackling anxiety challenges one step at a time.

                                                       


Alongside anxiety, the dyspraxic side of me means I struggle with sensory sensitivity issues such as: blocking out background music and trying to follow conversations when there's more than one going on, reading body language and making eye contact. It can be quite exhausting doing all these at once and I need time by myself and my own space for a bit, this meme describes it quite well. I've previously written a blog about the social side of dyspraxia where I go into more detail. Self care is especially important at this time of year.

Social media is everywhere these days, but I think it's important to see the bigger picture, for some people who may have anxiety or dyspraxia a lot may have gone on previously before anything gets uploaded onto social media. My boyfriend Matt and I, before any social outings can happen and that's just for us never mind involving any other people, there has to be a lot of planning involved for my anxiety. From planning where to go, where to sit when we go, how to get there and how long we spend there. Every day is different when you have anxiety and dyspraxia. We both find social situations more challenging in both similar and different ways.

 A lot of people with difficulties and differences do struggle with confidence and self confidence issues so try to build people up whatever time of year it is. I've always found celebrating myself hard. Having anxiety is like having a bully inside your head constantly belittling you and making  you doubt yourself and second guess everything. I can be the hardest person on myself and it's something I need to work on. Would we speak to loved ones or people we care about like ourselves? I think we all can be more self compassionate towards ourselves.

For a long time I had no idea what I was experiencing was anxiety or social anxiety. I just thought it was simply being me. I also had no idea dyspraxia had so much to it or knew any dyspraxics. But since seeking help (cbt) I'm starting to understand my anxiety more, and hopefully as time goes on I'll be able to manage it better. I promise it's not just you being you and there are others who understand and there is help out there.

 Life is a journey not a race. Take your challenges at your own time and speed and as hard as it is try not to compare yourself to others. My experiences have made me have so much more empathy and understanding for others, giving others reassurance that it's not just them makes it feel worthwhile. I hope the festive period is kind to you, thank you so much for all the kindness I receive from these blogs it means a lot to me. Never loose hope.

Turning dyspraxic passion and anxiety into a purpose

Ever since I was little I've always been an emotionally sensitive soul, and a visibly emotional soul at that. I was always so self conscious about how deeply I felt when I could see everyone else just getting on with it and how passionate I was about the causes and the interests I liked.

Over the last few years I've been to many Dyspraxia Foundation conferences and what always stands out is the passion and empathy and it's been very refreshing for me to see. I had no idea growing up my reasons for being so sensitive, emotional or passionate had anything to do with being dyspraxic or having an anxiety disorder or low mood. I remember going into school and being visibly enthusiastic about the music, flapping my arms around in true un coordinated style, and using a very loud tone of voice about the music I loved and being teased, sniggered at and judged. It made me feel like I needed to retreat into my shell and not show it to all of the world and I hid it away only letting those I trusted in. Managing and expressing my emotions has been always something really difficult for me. 

  I recently met the lovely Phoebe meet her idol Dyspraxia Foundation patron Jamie Lambert  from Collabro at their event at their beautiful local church in Hitchin, seeing her emotion and passion reminded me of a younger version as me. Also seeing Jamie up on stage, filming his video for the appeal and on stage and the passion which he gave off in his performances was lovely to see. Like Pheobe I also have someone who I look up to Mollie King, to read more why she inspires me see an earlier blog the impact of music. She recently released her debut single  Back to you (links at the bottom of my blog) and I've been lucky enough to meet her recently as her launch week progressed into a radio tour.

On her single launch day she was talking about how she found the writing process of the single therapeutic of her own experiences and hoped people might be able to relate to her experiences. This is what I've always hoped for from these blogs if one person can relate to it all it's been worthwhile. I also have found blogging very therapeutic. She's also one of the most calming, reassuring people I've met in life, whenever I meet her my anxieties go, as she's taken the time to get to know Rosie and that empathy means a lot. She also showed a lot of empathy to the charity's appeal, which is very kind of her and means so much that people are willing to even just listen and find out more, and hopefully get the word out.

Being a passionate person doesn't mean that you're a really confident person, what you see isn't often what someone might be experiencing and it's important to look beyond face value. On the outside you can't tell how someones brain is hard wired and how they process the world and see it differently nor if they might  struggle with any mental health issues too.

 I've been able to talk and talk about things which I love, or get very involved in the causes I like or support on social media as that passion and empathy to help others and make a difference will always be there. But by nature I've always been shy and never been a socially confident person I can be my hardest enemy at times and beat myself up a lot when it comes to day to day socialising.
 I can go completely into myself in new and unpredictable situations, struggle with social anxiety  and making eye contact. I will go over conversations and events constantly and worry about what I might have done wrong or any mistakes I might have made.

I can be a perfectionist and if something isn't done right I get very anxious over making mistakes, getting things in a muddle, and being messy and clumsy and get very conscientious about trying to do a good job, even if dyspraxia makes it looks otherwise. It's made me stand out, be different to my peers be difficult to understand at times and misunderstood. But it has made me a lot more determined and something I'm awaiting support for so hopefully fingers crossed this will help me keep moving forward and be more socially confident.

For such a long time in my life I didn't think I had a purpose, bullying and a bad experience in a previous relationship (details not for the blog) left me feeling not good enough and that I didn't anything to offer this world. My emotions were all over the place, I was trying to manage them in self destructive ways and I saw no hope in this world.

 I lost who Rosie was but then at my lowest point I realised I didn't want others to go through what I had and then I realised I had to try and manage my anxiety and frustrations in a more positive way. This is very much an ongoing journey and I still struggle with bouts of bad anxiety and struggle managing my emotions. But I've realised my purpose in life is to help others, the responses I get from writing these blogs and through my awareness work will always mean so much to me and boost my confidence on days when I'm struggling and I've found swimming helps calm me down.

The social, emotional and  links with mental health side to dyspraxia is something which isn't discussed a lot, even though it really should be more as there is more awareness of the physical side. It's why I decided to get involved in the Dyspraxia Foundation Call to Action appeal and step out of my comfort zone and do a video it was a difficult task for me to even make eye contact  and my social anxiety wanted me to run a mile away and it took a good 20 takes. But this charity help people make sense of themselves, meet others who "get it" and help people feel lost and alone like the Rosie I talked about at the beginning of this blog.

But I hope it will help raise awareness, help the misunderstandings which surround dyspraxia and how it can also link with mental health and raise vital funds for a charity very struggling at the moment. Also help others understand that everyone is different, and sees life from a different perspective and makes sense of the world differently and manage emotions differently.  Just because someone processes the world differently doesn't mean that it is better, nor is it less it is simply different.

To check out Mollie King's debut single Back to You:
Available to Stream on Spotify http://po.st/BTY_52 Stream on Apple Music http://po.st/BTY39 Download on iTunes http://po.st/BTY5

Keep up-to-date on Social Media, please like my Facebook page for more dyspraxia awareness :)