Everyone has their own story, their own life experiences, their own ways of seeing the world. They will have lived in different life and family circumstances surrounding us, even different pets.
Sometimes people may not fit into a neat little box.
As someone who has lacked confidence in myself, is quieter, experiences social anxiety, anxiety, depression and dyspraxia. I have faced a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions.
When you lack confidence in yourself and your opinions it’s very easy to feel like you don’t have a voice, that you and your voice doesn’t matter and people will walk away or ignore rather than listen. So it's easy not to say anything, which can lead to feelings of isolation. I’m someone who’s had a limited support network and faced some not nice experiences or people in my time. I like to hope it's made me non-judgemental/empathetic/open-minded.
I grew up in a time where awareness of mental health and disability was simply not talked about. Some of these experiences are difficult to talk about and may not make the blog or my social media. There may be a lot about someone you don’t know about or their story so please be open-minded and non-judgemental. There needs to be more understanding of issues invisible to the eye.
Joining in and initiating conversations can often be anxiety/panic-inducing, it doesn’t mean someone is rude or anti-social but it may just take them more time to feel more comfortable people and build their confidence often in a safe place or with a safe person to find their voice . Just because someone is quieter it doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to say, options or interests. People have often assumed there's nothing to me. On the outside looking in it can sometimes that I'm not wanting to do something, being rude or not trying hard enough as it can take me a lot longer, especially if it's something new or unknown. But it doesn't mean I'm not persevering nor that I don't care.
When someone is quieter it is very easy to slip through the net when it comes to needing help and support. When I was at school the people who struggled were seen as the ones who shouted out too loudly or had a lot of behavioural issues. I was the opposite: I lacked confidence, was too shy to put my hand up in class and spent a lot of time by myself being left out of situations and conversations. I withdrew into my own rich, deep fantasy world. I was also very tall and physically clumsy and was always picked last for P.E. I also always hated drawing any kind of attention to myself. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling, finding things difficult or that I wasn't trying either.
It helps if I still feel included and included in conversations as joining in conversations can be really difficult for me and my social anxiety, and even in adulthood I've felt left out of situations, photos or conversations. I worry that people don’t want me there/like me/enjoy my company and has lead to feelings of social isolation or depression. Being listened to is so valuable and when people do little things like check in with me or listen to me it can make me feel valued and appreciated. I’ve never had much of that, so when it does happen I really do appreciate it. Especially amazing friends I’ve met through the Dyspraxia Foundation. Most importantly it helps if people are patient with me, force me to speak up and I’ll close up. Give me time, value and appreciate me and I’ll reveal more about myself.
Due to my anxiety, especially really high levels of anticipatory anxiety (worry about what may happen or how I'm perceived), and generalised worrying- you name it I can overthink it and low mood. I can find various situations difficult. Some things as a dyspaxic may be more difficult for me than others, I for example: I am a mucky pup and can struggle with simple things such as: brushing my hair/teeth. I love pop music and am an only child and have had other health issues, others may not have experienced this.
It’s really important not to make assumptions about someone, their story or their difficulties or strengths. Also don’t compare people, their stories and their experiences but take the time to listen and let someone share in their own time when they feel comfortable. Don’t stop inviting/including friends to things even if they say no or have to leave early. Be patient, day to day tasks can take longer and energy consuming so be kind.
Asking for help and support can be really difficult for people who may be struggling with their mental health, it can be easy not to want to bother someone or burden them with their problems or It can also be hard to know what help there is out there and what may or not be helpful.
When you read someone's blog please remember that they're still a work in progress, still figuring things out and how to help themselves and navigate life. Things take time, please be patient with us.
My boyfriend Matt is running some events this year to raise awareness of mental health and dyspraxia and funds for Dyspraxia Foundation. To read our story, and to sponsor him: https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-display/showROFundraiserPage?userUrl=MattRosie19&pageUrl=1
You're a lot stronger than you think, be kind to yourself, keep going.
Here's a photo of my rescue border collie Toby who has recently lost his eye. Sometimes even our pets have their own story. 😉
Until next time....
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