Celebrating small accomplishments

Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, like one huge storm or huge bowl of tangled up spaghetti, we feel trapped or caught up in it all and don't know how to move forward.

When you think in a different way, have a disability or a mental health condition whether
you're an child, young person or adult it can be very easy to compare yourself to others and see others progressing a lot faster than you or find tasks which others find easy either terrifying, time consuming or in short just really hard. It can affect your self esteem, motivation and confidence.

It can be very hard and simply overwhelming knowing where to start tasks especially if you struggle with anxiety or being organised and easy to avoid doing the task completely. My boyfriend always says I'm the worst procrastinator he's ever met, when I feel overwhelmed it's safe to say time literally flies by and I wonder where all the hours have gone. Whilst avoidance can initially make you feel better, once you start overcoming those little hurdles and break down the big things into more manageable chunks they can seem a lot less overwhelming. If we are proud of the little things we can achieve it can give us the confidence to take the next steps and the next piece in the jigsaw.

I think it's important to remember, and also any of the parents who read my blogs, you or your child will have your/their unique milestones, your/their own victories no matter how small they may seem.
Dyspraxia affects day to day tasks many take for granted so, it could be making a sandwich, being able to put your socks on, being able to give someone eye contact or manage to clean the house. As you go through life the challenges which approach us change over time, location and situation, so what might challenge us as a  dyspraxic child might change slightly over time as to as a dyspraxic adult. There are also other factors to consider such as: late identification and other differences or mental health issues.

In my last blog I discussed the impact anxiety has on my self doubt and confidence. For me even though I have many coping strategies for my dyspraxia, I have quite a way to go anxiety, but the more anxious I get the more my dyspraxic coping strategies seem to When trapped in that cycle of self doubt it can make everything seem never ending. As someone who if there is something to worry about, I worry about, and knowing where to begin and what to face when sometimes even leaving the front door is a challenge is terrifying in itself can be terrifying, but sometimes you have to go back to basics. When you’re beating yourself up over everything, it’s really hard to be patient and kind with yourself, but you can’t just flick a switch to for these anxious feelings or to feel more confident. Take small steps, and congratulate yourself when you do.

How you go about celebrating these is personal to the person, some people may keep it private, others share on social media, some in facebook groups where people know others will "get it." Children may find things like stickers or certificates helpful, for young people and adults doing something you enjoy or treating yourself. I think it's really important to remember everyone is different and as hard as it is, not to compare yourself or your journey to others.

One thing which might help to write down (or type into a phone or laptop) the good things that happen to you or your child or put together a memory scrapbook or box. It can be things you’ve enjoyed doing, nice things people have said to you. Breaking challenges and tasks into more manageable chunks or lists either written or pictorially and the feel good factor when you tick or cross something off once you've achieved it. Memory can be a huge issue for dyspraxics/dyslexics and having things written down can help give a structure. They don't to be a major achievement – jot down or stick down the tiny things so when you're struggling or feel low you have things to look back on. They can also be a lovely way for you/your child to see how far you have come and how those pieces of the jigsaw I talked about earlier in the blog slowly start to piece together to form the bigger picture.

If you can’t find anything positive to say about yourself, maybe someone else can do it for you. Now I've always been awful at accepting compliments and think people are just being nice but asking a loved one to write down what they see as your positive qualities might give you a boost, maybe you could think of doing the same for someone else. A little bit of kindness and encouragement can go such a long way. I'm so grateful for the kindness in the words of those who have nominated me for a National Diversity Award, when voting finishes (in less than 2 weeks) I plan on printing them off to look at when I don't feel so wonderful. If any of these blogs have helped at all, it would mean a lot if you considered nominating me. https://nominate.nationaldiversityawards.co.uk/Nominate/Endorse/29669name=Rosie%20Edmondson

Confidence isn't something which grows on trees, and you might not have much of it right now, but you can start planting some seeds. With the right self-care, your confidence can slowly start to grow again. If nobody has told you this today, I'm proud of you!

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Boosting confidence and self doubt

As many people have just finished or in the middle of the exams I thought this was quite an important topic to blog about. As someone who has struggled with self doubt and confidence throughout my life questioning my abilities and beating myself up over making mistakes and a fear of failure. Rationally I know I've worked very hard to get where I am today, have faced a lot of obstacles and challenges and shown a lot of determination. But when your in the middle of the vicious circle of anxiety and it's "lies" can try and tell you otherwise.

One of the reasons I think dyspraxics can doubt themselves so much comes down to lack of public understanding of what dyspraxia is and how it affects people (which I went into more depth in a recent blog) this lack of awareness alongside ignorance or bullying which can affect confidence and self esteem. I know my past experiences of bullying have definitely had an impact on my self doubt, it's learning to heal again. Since first writing this blog there has been confirmation that Dyspraxia Foundation will work alongside dyslexia charities on a DfE project for teacher training which is a welcome step forward for dyspraxia awareness.

For a lot of dyspraxics anxiety and mental health issues can come alongside each other. Self doubt and the negative spiral thoughts when you're feeling anxious can make you think you'll make mistakes, mess up a situation, or question how you've managed to achieve something, when rationally your mind knows how much hard work, grit and dedication you've put in to get yourself there. Or even question your ability in things which you enjoy. You also have to remember what your strengths are and what you're good, some tasks may always be hard for you or take you slightly longer than others, but there will be some which you're good at.

But I think in your lowest moments, the moments when you hit rock bottom and feel like you're submerged in the storm, I feel like when I'm really struggling with anxiety that it's like being trapped inside my head. But there is always a little voice (hope) which is telling you to keep going. It's important that these feelings you may be feeling now are temporary, you never know what might happen in the future or who you might meet.I never say I fight my dyspraxia/dyslexia as it is something which will always be there, but my anxiety and low moods are a constant battle and throughout my life both my family and I have had to fight for me to get the right help, support and understanding. I know I have a lot of wonderful parents who read my blogs who will be facing very similar battles you probably have had your self worth dented by being dismissed but you too should feel very proud of your resilience.

I recently blogged about dyspraxia, anxiety and the unknown, as one of my biggest struggles is stepping out of my safe comfort zone, meeting new people, travelling to new places and having new experiences. My social anxiety can often cast a shadow over these and I can catastrophise situations thinking the worst will happen, whilst more often than not everything ends up ok or even if it doesn't the overwhelming rushes of anxiety eventually pass. Sometimes anxiety can appear for no reason what so ever and it can make you feel so uncomfortable, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that this feeling will pass. My lovely friend Alice recently blogged about how she stepped out of her comfort zone to travel around India and in it she talks about her own resilience to keep going throughout the trip.  Living with a hidden difference or disability and constantly having to come up with different coping mechanisms  or ways of carrying out tasks means your brains are working 10x harder to carry out tasks, that shows a lot of determination and exhaustion.

 I've been stepping out of my comfort zone a little bit over the last few weeks and attending social situations which had quite a bit of new and unpredictability. I recently helped out at the Dyspraxia Foundation spring ball raising money and awareness for their helpline, did a bucket collection for Manchester Mind and this weekend I traveled solo to visit my wonderful friend Paris for her birthday, before all of the events safe to say I felt really sick, anxious and overwhelmed.There was a few tears, anxiety attacks and feeling of self doubt before I even left the house and it took a while for me not to feel constantly on edge in the new social environments.

But what helped me not avoid the situations completely was reassurance and encouragement, whether it be from friends and communities online or by the people who I was meeting. Those words (and hugs) of reassurance and understanding that it was something I found challenging meant a lot to me. I've always been quite self conscious how visibly upset I get when I feel anxious or overwhelmed, but the reassurance gave me that bit of encouragement to keep going and not avoid the situation. Everyone is different and needs reassurance in different ways and a lot of the time just giving someone a bit of your time, a hug or and encouraging message can mean the world. Thanks to the encouragement I've been given over the last few years it has helped me achieve more than I ever thought I was capable of, this blog reaching over 100,000 views is testament to that. I've also been made aware that both the bucket collection and ball were a success which gave me a warm fuzzy feeling of knowing I had helped make a difference. As for visiting Paris, we laughed and laughed some more, and sometimes laughter is all you need.

 I have quite a way to go in learning to manage my anxiety but my own difficulties with my own self doubt and confidence have made me determined both in my job as a learning support in a college and all of my awareness work to be an encouraging voice to others or those who have a relative or loved one who may be going through similar struggles, help build often very fragile self worth and maybe offer some hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Knowledge can be such a powerful tool in helping others who may be experiencing similar. If you've found any of these blogs have helped at all  (thank you for your kindness so far) and I am lucky enough to be shortlisted for the National Diversity Awards please consider nominating me- https://nominate.nationaldiversityawards.co.uk/Nominate/Endorse/29669name=Rosie%20Edmondson  I hope to keep raising the profile of dyspraxia.

Whatever situation you end up facing whether it being an exam, the unknown or a day to day task, maybe you're fighting to get you or your child the right help and understanding, amongst the frustration which has come with it feel proud of yourself and be proud of the little things many people would never think of.

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