Dyspraxia, anxiety and the unknown

The world we live in is is a very unpredictable, with changes to day to day life from routines, to circumstances to the unknown  it is a very chaotic place to live at times. For people who think and have brains wired in a different way, this unpredictability can be overwhelming and anxiety inducing. As with all of my blogs no two people with dyspraxia are the same and everyone will have their own different challenges and weaknesses. I thought it was also important to mention when I discuss some of the social difficulties dyspraxics may struggle with some people may ask if dyspraxia is on the autistic spectrum, it isn't but some people do have some overlapping difficulties. Even if you aren't dyspraxic I know for anyone who struggles with anxiety the unknown and "what ifs" can be a real challenge so I hope it helps people feel less alone.

In this blog I'm going to talk about three areas which can be a real struggle with dyspraxics: new environments, transport and social situations. In life people always say first impressions count, which they do but I think it's important to remember that some people take a little bit more time to feel comfortable and relaxed and may need a little bit more time for you to get to know them. If you're one of those people then it's ok. If you're reading this and the anxiety issues mentioned seem familiar whether you're dyspraxic or not there is help out there. There's amazing charities out there like Anxiety UK and your GP who can point you in the direction of help such as: CBT, everyone is different and different techniques for managing anxiety are different for everyone.

Before encountering a new environment it will inevitably involve transport, transport can be a real struggle for dyspraxics for a number of reasons. Making sure you know what time you have to get on a bus/train and often the mad rush and panic when you realise you might miss the bus/train you want. Then the anxiety of trying to judge the distance between the platform or ground to the bus/train and trying to tell yourself that you won't fall, likewise unpredictable automatic doors and not knowing how long you have before the doors or the fear that the doors will close on you and trap you in. Then comes the difficulty of trying to find a seat and managing being around lots of crowds of people can lead to anxiety attacks and/or sensory overload. Then of course is when something goes wrong and there's either delays, cancellations or changes of route which can be a challenge. I can find travelling a bit of a nightmare, but have recently discovered distraction techniques and trying to sit or stand by a door so if I need to get off or out I can do more easily.

New environments can just seem a complete jumble of confusion, the thought of orienting yourself around a new place which has so much new in it when you struggle with spatial awareness and where your body needs to be in time distance and place. It will always take a while for me to get my bearings and feel less disoriented, I've been known to get lost in towns I've known all my life, so new places can be even more of a struggle. Since moving to London I've discovered find my friends app so if my boyfriend isn't with me he can still help to direct me around. Going on holiday is something I've always found a challenge whether it be in the UK for a break away or abroad. Often my brain will catastrophise situations and think of everything which might go wrong, when your brain thinks outside of the box and sees the bigger picture it can see everything and every situation which can be exhausting.

Managing my emotion in new and uncertain environments is something which I always found hard. For a long time if I felt overwhelmed I would try and run away or escape in floods of tears, which can also be described as flight or fight and I was defiantly flying. Over time I've managed to control this slightly more but it's still a struggle. If you see someone whether it be young or old visibly upset or overwhelmed in a public place please don't pass judgement and see past face value.

The social side of dyspraxia is something which many struggle with all in different ways, often people can struggle with making and maintaining friendships. This can be for many reasons feeling different to peers, being able to follow a conversation with background noise and social anxiety. I experience a lot of social anxiety especially in situations which I don't know people well or it's the first time meeting, I can go very quiet and not speak very much and it can take a while for me to come out of my shell and feel comfortable and relaxed. Or I do the complete opposite and waffle on about random topics. I find I constantly rehearse conversations I might be having and unless it's my mum, boyfriend or someone very close to me would struggle meeting and socialising with people randomly.

Everyone gets upset if changes to plan happen and if you struggle with anxiety it can be easy to get into a negative spiral and to think everything might be going wrong and be ruined. Challenging those negative thoughts can be difficult and something to take little steps with.

To help mange some of my social anxieties I have routines not everyone with dyspraxia will have these, but to me they give me familiarity and predictability. I'm not going to discuss what they are here as they are personal to me but I thought it would be important to mention. Also a lot comes down to confidence and worrying that I might make mistakes and that people would be upset or I would be making an idiot of myself. Background noise and group social size can be a real challenge for some dyspraxic's too. If you give someone a chance and a chance to come out of their shell in an environment they feel comfortable in you never know what you might gain.

This blog has been quite an important blog for me to write, I recently attended a meeting with the Dyspraxia Foundation Youth board where were discussing dyspraxia and mental health at the recent Birmingham conference and its something which I know myself and a few others are quite passionate about raising awareness about. I've also very kindly been nominated for positive role model for disability at the National Diversity awards. If my blogs have helped at all would mean a lot if you voted for me so I can keep raising the profile of dyspraxia and getting the word out.
https://nominate.nationaldiversityawards.co.uk/Nominate/Endorse/29669?name=Rosie+Edmonson

Detangling dyspaxic chaos

A lot of my blogs focus on the social and emotional side of dyspraxia but I thought I would write a blog about something I know many dyspraxics/dyslexics find very difficult in day to day life-organisation.

Organisation has never been something I've found easy and often found myself living in complete chaos with things everywhere, losing and forgetting where I've put items, organising where I need to be and when and with what items. Basically in short organising my life and everything in it. Luckily I have a boyfriend who's very logical and more methodological in thinking can be a great asset with organisation especially forward planning, but as we hope to move into our own home/flat at some point this year I know I need to develop some coping strategies to help myself.

When I feel disorganised everything feels chaotic and overwhelming, so hopefully decluttering will help calm my mind and help manage my anxiety better. As I will be dyspraxic all my life it will probably be something I will constantly find difficult and have to work 10x harder at but I hope some strategies will help a little. One thing I've realised over the years living with dyspraxia/dyslexia is that although shoving things into cupboards, drawers or on the floor may seem the easy option, in the long run trying to find them again is a completely different story.

1. Breaking tasks down and have a routine 

The thought of doing a lot at once can be overwhelming, exhausting and as a result very little gets done and more chaos often accumulates. Break down areas or tasks in a small chunks as small chunks as you need and what works best for you. Don't compare yourself  to others, just because someone else can blitz the house in a few hours with everything spotless, doesn't mean you're any less of a person. Make sure you take some time out to do something relaxing and something you enjoy afterwards or have something to look forward to. Breathe!

2. Don't feel embarrassed to ask for help

Needing some help with organisation is nothing to embarrassed about or to feel guilty for. Whether it be a family member a friend or a professional cleaning company. I've heard of quite a few adult dyspraxics who have asked for help to come into their home and help them. I know people can feel others might judge them, but surrounding yourself with empathetic people can be a blessing and do what is best for you and your day to day life.

3. Making lists and prioritising tasks

The amount of paper based lists I've made over the years which just simply have vanished into thin air. Or  the amount of times I've forgotten to write any kind of list and completely forgotten I have to do something. It could be as simple as putting the right shoe on each foot. Last Friday I ended up with one black shoe on and one brown, luckily I realised before leaving the house. I've had a few embarrassing moments turning up to work with clothes inside out and the labels showing. I find it easier to use an App (Google Keep for me but there's loads out there) on my phone where I can tick off when I've completed a task, I can also share the list with my boyfriend so he knows what's on the list too.

Don't feel embarrassed of what lists you make, if making a list with a routine of what order you need to carry out simple tasks helps then do it, doesn't make you less of an adult or a person. Then comes to prioritising the tasks on the lists and working out what is most important, something I find really tricky. Some dyspraxics find a traffic light system works for them, colour coding tasks red for needs immediate attention, amber in the next week and green in the next month. Then moving them up the priorities list.

4. Finding places for important items

Many times over the years I've gone downstairs or gone into a room with good intention of finding something and I've completely forgotten what I need or where I've put something. One of my most most common phrases has been to my boyfriend or mum, "have you seen where x is?" or "I can't remember where my y is" normally 5 minutes before I'm due out of the door.  Cue a mad state of panic and running around like a headless chicken with accompanying dyspraxic un-coordinated flapping and throwing clothing, duvets, and various objects around the room which resorted in more chaos.

At the moment I'm trying to get into a routine of putting important items in the same place, and having another list made on my phone of essential items I need to get out of the door. Another strategy I've seen people use is to type up on coloured card what they need for the day, print off and laminate and keep a few copies blue tacked up around the house and have one on you in person. When I buy things like phone cables, phone cases, purses etc I try and buy them not just because I like them but also because they stand out amongst other things, my iphone cable is bright purple, my phone is bright pink with a bright purple case.

5. Decluttering

I seem to own and attract a lot of clutter either on me in person or around me. Often my bag is like a Mary Poppins bag and has everything apart from the kitchen sink in it, often with many duplicate items in it, rubbish I've forgotten to throw away or have a lot of just incase items. I never seem to travel light and often pack way more than I need.

The same can be applied to my personal space, things just end up accumulating. I find I often get into routines of buying very similar items and have a lot of something, and can't resist a bargain. But is it really a bargain when you already have 5 of a similar item unopened probably stuffed in a drawer somewhere.

Often my living space can simply be overwhelming and I just never know when or how to start tidying it up, then I procrastinate and it ends up being left for even longer. As in the near future I will have my own home the thought of having many rooms all in a mess makes me feel quite sick. Something I'm planning on starting to do is tackle a little bit or a section at a time, taking regular breaks and knowing once things look a lot tidier it will make me feel a lot calmer, a calm surrounding leading to a calmer and happier mind.