Being Heard

Hello, I know it's been a while since I've written a blog, I hope you're doing ok? Thank you for your patience with my blog, I really appreciate it.

Inspired by my wonderful friend Immie's blog, I thought I would write a blog about something important to me and the little things others can do to help. 

The world we live in (in normal times) can seem very fast and loud, and if you're quieter, you can struggle with processing information, and/or have any disability or mental health condition, it can feel like you can struggle to keep up. This can lead to painful and upsetting assumptions about who you are and your day to day life, affecting your self-esteem and mood. 

Being a quieter, softly spoken person, with dyspraxia and anxiety/depression, I've never found being assertive or social situations easy. People can assume quietness means weakness, or that you're a doormat or easy target/ pushover. This is far from the case but those assumptions can be hard.

Sometimes, you may feel like on the periphery of a group and not part of one even if you're physically present, it can feel like everyone is talking to everyone else but you feel on the outside. It makes you worry if nobody even notices you or makes you wonder if you would even be missing if you weren't there. These feelings of loneliness and isolation can be painful, depressing and also upsetting for those around you. Feeling left out and not invited to things really affected my self-esteem and mood. I began to question if I was likeable, if I had anything interesting to say or if I was good company. I always felt that I was an unpopular option.

It can feel frustrating and that your voice doesn't matter, but it's so important that different voices are heard. I feel in every school, workplace, university and friendship group there needs to be understanding of and most importantly value and appreciation of different minds, different personalities, so people don't feel less than. 

How can you help me and others who may need some patience:

1. Give me time and be patient with me and don't assume I don't have anything to contribute. Let me feel more settled.

2. Don't put me on the spot it can make me more anxious and I can freeze, give me time to prepare and process things.

3. If you want to ask me a question or know something about me ask me and don't go through anyone else or it can make me feel voiceless and awkward.

4. Be curious, take the time to find out more, ask questions, don't make assumptions. Understand we all have our own unique story and experiences. 

5. Be sensitive, appreciate that I've had some tricky experiences which have affected my self-esteem and I can be quite a sensitive person in general. 

My experiences have made me listen carefully to what others have to say, thoughtful and appreciative of what is important to them.  I also have a strong sense of inclusion and hate the thought of anyone being left out. I also am patient with others and have an appreciation of the tenacity involved in a situation.

You are enough as you are, and you matter. 

Until next time.....

Inclusion & participation

Hello everyone, long time no speak, I hope you’re all well?

After a slight break from blogging, I wanted to write about something really close to my heart:
the value of inclusion. Before I begin, I think it’s important to remember that this is my personal experiences, and interests- other people may experience things differently.

Just because a person finds something difficult or more challenging doesn’t mean they don’t want to feel included or that they belong. Being inclusive is giving someone a bit of your time, patience and empathy. Being inclusive isn’t about fitting people into boxes, it’s about letting them find their feet in their own way - at their own speed. Not putting pressure on someone can give have positive results.

When people think of issues such as anxiety, mental health, confidence and/or neurodiversity there is often a focus on their impact on school/university or work. For this blog, I wanted to touch on the impact of more everyday issues such as; travelling, social situations and leisure activities.

From a young age, I’ve always struggled to find the confidence to go and to participate in activities and everyday things many people take for granted - these situations can be anxiety or even panic-inducing. Personally, these can include; stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things, travelling, anything involving crowds or social situations. Due to my anxiety, mild depression and self-esteem issues and dyspraxia I find these difficult, also situations in everyday life such as; going shopping, days out, going on holiday or having meals with family can be challenging. Anxiety can make you want to avoid doing things like this and it can be a vicious circle and can get you down.

A month ago, I attended Dyspraxia Foundation conference in London where there was a keynote speech from Anxiety UK, I also attended the youth group workshops. The thought of being in a group of people and people I didn’t know, was quite anxiety-inducing. My friend Alice, who is a youth worker was running the icebreaker sessions. She is an inclusive person and uses her own experiences of mental health and dyspraxia in a positive way. Straight away we were met with no pressure to join in or participate and to do what we felt comfortable with and people wouldn’t think any less of us for that. Due to that many people took part. Thank you to both charities for all being understanding and for an inclusive conference.

As an avid pop music fan  growing up listening to (in my opinion) feel good, uplifting music, helps to lift my mood when I’m feeling low or down. I’ve been lucky to have some lovely handwritten messages and hugs from Mollie, her words of kindness and empathetic nature really do make a huge difference to me. Travel, crowds, the concerts themselves and finding the confidence to let go, and enjoy myself due to anxiety and panic attacks can be difficult to explain. I would love to find the confidence to join in with things I love more and whose music has helped me.

I value friendship a lot and as someone who has struggled to make them, I appreciate it a lot.  But again anxiety and social anxiety can make it hard to meet up with friends, keep up with what’s happening or participate and in group situations especially if it involves travel or meeting new people. I’ve always been quite shy and quiet and it can take quite a while to get to know me and feel comfortable with people. I worry about how I come across or if I might say the wrong thing.

I’ve recently started therapy and hopefully, I can learn to be calmer, happier and face my fears but it’s going to take time. As someone who finds it quite difficult to ask for help, it’s important that there’s understanding how difficult it is to speak up and ask for help when you’re struggling especially with mental health. But it's something I wanted to raise awareness of in this blog.

I like to hope my experiences have made me open-minded, non-judgmental and someone who will always have a listening ear.

One of the best things you can do listen, help someone to believe in themselves and give someone a chance.

Until next time....

Inclusion and participation

Hello everyone, long time no speak, I hope you’re all well?

After a slight break from blogging, I wanted to write about something really close to my heart:
the value of inclusion. Before I begin, I think it’s important to remember that this is my personal experiences, and interests- other people may experience things differently.

Just because a person finds something difficult or more challenging doesn’t mean they don’t want to feel included or that they belong. Being inclusive is giving someone a bit of your time, patience and empathy. Being inclusive isn’t about fitting people into boxes, it’s about letting them find their feet in their own way - at their own speed. Not putting pressure on someone can give have positive results.

When people think of issues such as anxiety, mental health, confidence and/or neurodiversity there is often a focus on their impact on school/university or work. For this blog, I wanted to touch on the impact of more everyday issues such as; travelling, social situations and leisure activities.

From a young age, I’ve always struggled to find the confidence to participate in activities and everyday things many people take for granted - these situations can be anxiety or even panic-inducing. Personally, these can include; stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things, travelling, anything involving crowds or social situations. Due to my anxiety, mild depression and self-esteem issues I find these difficult, also situations in everyday life such as; going shopping, days out, going on holiday or having meals with family can be challenging.

A month ago, I attended Dyspraxia Foundation conference in London where there was a keynote speech from Anxiety UK, I also attended the youth group workshops. The thought of being in a group of people and people I didn’t know, was quite anxiety-inducing. My friend Alice, who is a youth worker was running the icebreaker sessions. She is an inclusive person and uses her own experiences of mental health and dyspraxia in a positive way. Straight away we were met with no pressure to join in or participate and to do what we felt comfortable with and people wouldn’t think any less of us for that. Due to that many people took part. Thank you to both charities for all being understanding and for an inclusive conference.

As an avid pop music fan  growing up listening to (in my opinion) feel good, uplifting music, helps to lift my mood when I’m feeling low or down. I’ve been lucky to have some lovely handwritten messages and hugs from Mollie, her words of kindness and empathetic nature really do make a huge difference to me. Travel, crowds, the concerts themselves and finding the confidence to let go, and enjoy myself due to anxiety and panic attacks can be difficult to explain. I would love to find the confidence to join in with things I love more and whose music has helped me.

I value friendship a lot and as someone who has struggled to make them, I appreciate it a lot.  But again anxiety and social anxiety can make it hard to meet up with friends, keep up with what’s happening or participate and in group situations especially if it involves travel or meeting new people. I’ve always been quite shy and quiet and it can take quite a while to get to know me and feel comfortable with people. I worry about how I come across or if I might say the wrong thing.

I’ve recently started therapy and hopefully, I can learn to be calmer, happier and face my fears but it’s going to take time. As someone who finds it quite difficult to ask for help, it’s important that there’s understanding how difficult it is to speak up and ask for help when you’re struggling especially with mental health. But it's something I wanted to raise awareness of in this blog.

I like to hope my experiences have made me open-minded, non-judgmental and someone who will always have a listening ear.

One of the best things you can do listen, help someone to believe in themselves and give someone a chance.

Until next time....

Looking deeper to understand dyspraxia and anxiety

On Sunday I walked the British 10k for with fellow dyspraxic blogger Natalie who has blogged about our very dyspraxic weekend and my boyfriend Matt. On the day we saw the streets leading up to Buckingham Palace lined up with thousands of people all with different charitable causes on their vests ready to take part in the run or walk in our case. Some of the causes were ones very well known, some less well known and some I'd never heard of. It really got me thinking of in life what so many people and their families go through often behind closed doors.

 So many people face struggles which are private and unknown to the world, whether is be difference, disability, mental illness, physical illness, bereavement, ignorance or bullying to name a few. Everyone is different in how or how much they choose to share with others and that's ok, but you're never alone.

The previous day  Matt got elected as social media trustee and ended up winning the Mary Colley award.  Which was on the day of the AGM and we all met with the youth focus group on creative ideas for a film to raise awareness which will be coming up. Over the weekend I felt like I was accepted as simply me, and through spending the weekend with Alice, who has blogged about the weekend meeting other dyspraxic young women like Maxine  I felt like I had a sense of belonging, and hadn't laughed so much in months.

From coming along to Dyspraxia Foundation conferences, it has given Matt a chance come out of his shell, and be given a chance to show what he's good at. He's always been someone who keeps himself to himself, and before we met never had the courage to leave his house apart from work, was too shy and anxious to speak to anyone. He always saw himself as a bit of a pessimist in life and never thought anything positive would happen to him. But for what he lacks in social skills he makes up for it in logic and ICT skills, someone also with passion and can enthusiastically rhyme off about Arsenal football club and Britney Spears tours.

The last few years haven't been easy but they have made us a lot stronger as a result of it all. He's seen the day to day struggles of  me being dyspraxic and living with severe anxiety and low mood, seeing me experience horrific ignorance and being being bullied leaving me in a dark place using coping strategies I wasn't proud of and experience a lot of misunderstanding in day to day life, which has affected my confidence and anxiety levels. But this is why there needs more awareness.

But also us turning a negative into a positive by this blog, achieving an award and masters degree and helping others along the way. Sometimes just getting us out of the house to face the day can be a huge task, never mind a 10k, so I'm always very grateful for all he does.

Matt gives me the confidence to share the strengths (creative ideas, determination , thinking out of the box,  and empathy and compassion for others) with others and use in a platform in my awareness work. From being at rock bottom it made us determined as a couple that nobody should feel or go through what we have alone, but hopefully educating others by the awareness work we do at the same time. It is also why as social media trustee Matt wants to link with mental health charities so dyspraxics have access that support.

Dyspraxia awareness has come a long way but still  has a long way to go so many people don't know what it is and awareness is so much lower than the more well known hidden differences, from that comes a lot of misunderstanding especially understanding the strengths and being socially misunderstood, the amount of times my social anxiety and shyness has been misinterpreted as being quiet passive or in my own world, or even rude when in reality my brain is working harder to process the information or worrying about making it mistakes and making an idiot out of myself which makes me go into myself even more. All it takes is people taking the time to get to know me so I can find the courage and trust to break down the walls I often put up to protect myself and come out from hiding, sometimes literally and let people in.

 It can be incredibly isolating and lonely at times feeling different to your peers, especially with familiarity of the people you know being dotted around the country. Which is why events like these are so important, they're simply more than just a conference or just about dyspraxia. When you struggle with social anxiety  or meeting new people it can be made so much harder, which I thought in this blog about anxiety and loneliness covered very well. But by having that acceptance it helps give someone the confidence that they can achieve something in life and have something to offer this world.

One thing is though is hidden differences, disabilities and illnesses need to be spoken about, people encounter ignorance, judgement, and lack of understanding on a daily basis. The more issues are talked about the less misunderstanding and stigma there will be and people feel less alone. On the day of the walk someone came up to us and asked about what dyspraxia was, we also had many shoutouts  from the main speakers. I would like to thank Natalie for agreeing to walk with me and help encourage me round with our many chats, Natalie's dad for following us round and taking all of the photos, the ladies at Dyspraxia Foundation, Alice and my mum for all their encouragement  and reassurance and cheering at 9k.

As someone who always says I do it for the causes and charities behind it without having much confidence in myself,  I felt a sense of achievement and I can say I'm proud of myself, which has taken years to be able to say. I was close to pulling out due to my anxiety and I was thinking every worse possible situation. It was completely out of our comfort zones, very nerve wracking but our determination got us round. Sometimes anxiety can lie to you it can make you believe you're useless and you won't get anywhere but sometimes everything ends up ok. I would also like to thank Mollie King for tweeting both myself and Natalie very randomly, it was a lovely surprise and thank you for taking the time to spread awareness of dyspraxia,  your empathy and putting yourself in someone else's shoes, it gave me such a confidence boost.

Everyone you meet in life is facing something in life, social media only gives a snapshot to what people experience or who they are, before you roll your eyes or pass judgement put yourself in someone else's shoes, have a little bit of empathy, find the courage to ask questions but most importantly be kind.

Keep up-to-date on Social Media, please like my Facebook page for more dyspraxia awareness :)

Dyspraxia, anxiety and inclusion

Inclusion is something which has always been at the core of my awareness work and when writing these blogs, as nobody deserves to feel alone and isolated. Inclusion seems such a wide topic, but the little things to make someone feel included can mean the world to not just them but their loved ones too.

I see inclusion coming up time and time again when it comes to dyspraxia either feeling included or people knowing what dyspraxia is. Whether it be learning inside the classroom, P.E or sport or making friendships. The amount of tears of confusion which came from me to my mum growing up, questioning why I never got invited to any parties, why I was always last being chosen for P.E and why nobody wanted to sit next to me at lunchtime. I would always question if I must have done something wrong or if it was my fault. Which as a parent must have been awful for my mum to hear.

 I've always been a very quirky person socially. Growing up the social side of dyspraxia was always something I was very self concious of, but it's something there needs to be awareness of as dyspraxia doesn't just affect people physically.  I've been told I have a very quirky dress sense- my arms can often be found with many bracelets.I have a love of butterfly prints, bows or floral especially in dresses and my fingers can be found with (often badly painted) brightly coloured nail varnish. Social anxiety can often mean I find it takes me a while to come out of my shell and not go into hiding, especially in new and unpredictable situations, and anxiety in general make controlling my emotions tricky,but once I feel comfortable in a situation, I tend to find it easier to relax with those older or younger than me, I've been told I have a very quirky sense of humour (got my dad to thank for that- very easily amused.)

My quirkiness, is something which makes me a unique person,which I see as a strength, it's also made me have a natural empathy for those who may be struggling, but over the years took me a long time to accept, growing up I would do anything to fit in. It has also lead to exclusion, when I was university I remember being ran away from as I was perceived as a weirdo and a freak, I've also faced awful exclusion and bullying

in the workplace. I've spent a lot of my time growing up feeling lonely and by myself, wondering why people were to scared to get to know Rosie. 

 People simply become frightened of things which they don't understand. A lot of people still don't know or aren't aware of what dyspraxia is and how it affects people. It is less known than other neurodiverse differences and difficulties, or if people have heard of it they just see it as clumsiness.
But dyspraxia is something which the general public needs educated on, the more awareness is generated, hopefully in time there will be more understanding. Once you take the time to understand dyspraxia and how it affects someone, ask questions not assumptions, as with any other hidden difference or disability or mental health condition it becomes not so scary. You don't have to have a difference or disability yourself to to take the time to understand. One of the biggest misunderstandings about difference and disability is that people assume that if they invite someone to something. they'll have to spend the evening parenting them or looking after them, for the vast majority of people, far from the case. Sometimes when you struggle with anxiety you might have to cancel plans or leave early, but that understanding and inclusion can help someone take those tiny steps forward. This was something which is echoed in my wonderful friend Alice's most recent blog about inclusion. In it she talks about the the little things people can do and by not making assumptions can make a real difference, to someones mental well being, confidence and how they go about day to day life. Whether as a child, young person or adult.

Behind someone's struggles and of course their strengths, is a person, someone who has thoughts, views, interests and opinions, people with differences and disabilities have the right to have their voice heard and listened to. Sometimes you have to simply dig a little bit deeper when getting to know someone, give them time to come out of their shell, take the time to get to understand things which might be seen as different, and remember that everyone has a different perspective of seeing the world we live in. The world we live in is rich with technology which is incredible, but sometimes we have to put the phone down, the laptop or i pad away open our eyes and appreciate the diversity which is around us.

 As an adult dyspraxic I still find some social situations tricky and will never find it the easiest coming out of my shell. But I am lucky to know some wonderful people who include me for who I am and value having employers who have a lot of empathy towards my dyspraxia and anxiety. Through my work with the Dyspraxia Foundation, I've never felt so included, I've met obviously Alice and also the wonderful Natalie another fellow dyspraxic blogger who has agreed to walk round the British 10k with me next month. Now as someone who felt completely excluded in P.E lessons, came last at everything and has the running style of a dyspraxic duck about to take off  the thought of being surrounded by professional runners, is something which makes me clammy just typing this. Despite it being one massive challenge for me anxiety wise as well as physically, that inclusion and resilience is something which will be getting me round, hopefully raising awareness helping others with dyspraxia feel included too, as I would hate for anyone to go through what I have. Even though the last few months have been a real struggle for me anxiety wise, I hope it shows to others determination.

Myself and my mum have been asked to come to answer questions at Dyspraxia Westminster: Dyspraxia London event and answer any questions parents may have about growing up with dyspraxia, some of the coping strategies I've developed over the years. If you're interested in attending the link is: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dyspraxia-in-london-tickets-25406892700  I put a lot of my achievements over the last few years down partly to feeling included and I hope my inclusive nature for helping others. As I know from my own experiences that encouragement can give you the courage to ask for help and the strength to keep going when times are tough.

With nominations closing for the National Diversity awards closing on Wednesday. (It seems like this has been going on for ages.) Many of the wonderful people who advocate for dyspraxia awareness have been nominated, it would be wonderful for society to see the what dyspraxics can offer this world, please get behind them over the next few days.
I am grateful to everyone who has nominated me so far, for the kind comments, and the fact that this blog has helped others. If anything has helped at all and you still want to nominate me the link to do so is:  https://nominate.nationaldiversityawards.co.uk/Nominate/Endorse/29669name=Rosie%20Edmondson

Keep up-to-date on Social Media, please like my Facebook page and/or follow me on twitter @marvelousmollie

Dyspraxia, anxiety and determination

On Sunday I will be walking alongside fellow dyspraxic blogger Natalie and my boyfriend Matt around the British 10k course all in aid of Dyspraxia Foundation and raising dyspraxia awareness. It will be both a physical challenge and after quite a few rough months anxiety and mental health wise a mental challenge too. Alongside anxiety and the dyspraxic brain working 10x harder comes a lot of fatigue and tiredness. I was very close to pulling out of this due to my anxiety and fatigue struggles. But I've  decided to give it a go, no matter how slowly or uncoordinated I may go, I hope it shows one of the big strengths dyspraxics and those who may struggle with mental health issues have which is determination and empathy for others.

Whenever the word P.E was brought up throughout my life it made me feel full of dread, It made me feel embarrassed and very self conscious too. The reason why I dreaded it so much was because of how much co-ordination, balance,  gross motor skills and spatial awareness all the activities required. But the dyspraxic chaos often started well before the lesson began, I couldn't remember what I needed to bring with me, where to go, it used to take me so much longer than everybody else to get changed as I couldn't co-ordinate the movements over my head, often things would end up back to front inside out.(They still do- the amount of times I've realised my labels are hanging out of a cardigan or jumper.)

I was always the one who was chosen last to be a part of the team, the person nobody wanted to be partnered with and the one who was always last. I was the only person who couldn't hit or catch the ball (maybe nearly knocked a few people out with my bat mind) I would topple over as I tried to keep my balance and would bump into everyone who came past me. It had a detrimental effect on my self esteem and confidence and I used to beat myself up so much, something which has carried into adulthood. But I never gave up, I persevered, bruises and all. As as an adult, my dyspraxia hasn't simply gone away, I still find day to day tasks a challenge and they take me 10x longer, I walk with a clumsy gait (you can always hear me coming) and my arms and legs often don't co-ordinate together, I make quite a few mistakes, often with quite a mess and I get very frustrated with myself at times, but I'm a very determined soul, and carry out tasks in my own unique way. As you can imagine from reading the above taking part in a 10k walk, is quite a physical challenge for a dyspraxic never mind stepping out of my comfort zone.

Alongside the physical side of dyspraxia is the social side, social anxiety is something which I've blogged about quite frequently, alongside anxiety itself. The thought of being surrounded by elite runners, crowds of people, the sensory environment of being in a city and generally people watching me do any kind of exercise makes me feel sick or like I want to hide away. My idea of exercise is taking my dog for a long walk or going for a swim. Then of course there's the over thinking and the anxious mind coming to all kind of conclusions  but I know the anxious mind can tell lies and all will be ok. My anxiety can lead to low mood, alongside fatigue which comes alongside dyspraxia which affects my motivation and energy so trying to find the energy to get round this 10k has been on my mind, but hopefully all be a positive step in the right direction. Anxiety has taken so much from my life and stopped me from enjoying life, hopefully in time I will learn to manage it rather it controlling me,

My mum always tells me from a very young age I've always been determined  and determined to prove those who doubted me wrong. When people see dyspraxia or any other difference or disability people often make negative assumptions that we're lazy, careless, look like we're not trying or won't get far which is far from the case, we are simply just different and carry out tasks or see the world in a unique way. Which all comes down to lack of understanding and awareness and assumptions, especially about issues invisible to the eye.

This is something which needs to change, and I hope by stepping out of my comfort zone completely and wearing my Dyspraxia Foundation T-shirt with pride others may be able to take some positivity from it, and celebrate what us dyspraxics have to offer, plus hopefully raise some awareness and most importantly make a difference.

One thing which will help get me round is encouragement and reassurance, something I've been very grateful for these last few months, the little things can really make a huge difference when you don't find day to day tasks easy or go through a rough patch in life. Also feeling included, the race itself maybe isn't a fully inclusive event for people with differences or disabilities (which I think more should be, as it would encourage more people to take part and reduce my anxieties) but having friends, family and the Dyspraxia Foundation team cheering us on at 9k after the yearly AGM  and a youth group conference the day before, will make such a difference from being the girl nobody wanted on her team. Feeling included is such an important feeling for many dyspraxics.

The Dyspraxia Foundation themselves have provided my family with a lot of reassurance from when I was first diagnosed aged 4, and helped us feel not alone and less isolated, and I've met some wonderful people in my life thanks to them. For many years dyspraxia and mental health were my little secrets, I did everything I could to hide them from the world, but then I met others like me.  Maybe this will encourage someone else out there to step out of their comfort zone too.

If you would like to sponsor us and can spare any change our just giving link is: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/MattD10k2 thank you for your kindness.

Please follow me on Facebook for more dyspraxia awareness :)