Everybody thinks and processes the world differently: some people think in words, others in pictures or a combination of both. For me, I've always thought in pictures, I have a vivid imagination and I've always loved being creative (hence the name chosen for this blog.) From a young age my dad and I were coming up with our own adventures and stories. But I've never found writing easy, either handwritten or the process of getting my ideas down onto paper due to dyspraxia/dyslexia. Although I would still say I find it a lot easier expressing myself in writing than socially due to social anxiety, as I discussed in the blog I wrote a few months ago.
A few weeks ago blog reached 200,000 views, something which I could never believe or dream of happening to me. I was in shock when I saw the figure. I always get told by loved ones that I need to have more confidence in my writing, that it can touch people and something which I should persue further. It's something I've always had to work really hard at so it's a real achievement to me.
The technological inventions have been such a blessing to me. From a very young age I have struggled with the fine motor skills required in simply holding a pencil, writing on the line through to making the letters make sense. Using computers has been a life line for me learning to express myself
Organisation, as it has never been my forte in life in many ways, getting my ideas down onto paper, and structuring them to make sense has always been tricky. I can often use a lot more words than needed, and struggle sometimes with spelling. If you know me well the phrase, "I'm waffling on" and then going off on a tangent will be very familiar to you. I'm very lucky that my mum gives my blogs a read and a double check over for me before they're posted for any bits of proof reading I've missed out. This is something I'm practicing over time.
For me one of my biggest issues has always been my confidence and believing in my own abilities, which goes alongside having anxiety and comparing myself to others. It can be quite difficult blogging when I feel anxious as there's lots of thoughts going around make it difficult to concentrate. Being such a visual thinker can mean I can visually think of worst case scenario and everything which could happen, which can be really exhausting. My anxiety will often tell me I'm writing a load of rubbish and that I will fail at it and nobody will relate to it. The lovely comments I receive are reassuring to me, give me a little boost and encourage me to keep going.
Growing up I had a lot of negative assumptions made about me: that I was stupid, lazy, needed to speed up and simply plain careless.When in reality it was taking my brain ten times longer to complete my work or come out of my shell. It made me feel so self conscious and I've had to persevere for my voice to be heard. I hope from the reassuring tone which I aim to set for my blogs, that I come across as someone who cares very much and has a lot of empathy for others.
Blogging about anxiety and dyspraxia will always be important to me: using my visual way of thinking to be a story teller for others to hear my stories, ups and down in life, and to help others feel less alone. I hope this might encourage others to maybe tell their story. Take care of yourselves, until next time...