Hello :) I've been wanting to write a blog like this for a while but simply never really had the confidence to write it, but now I'm in a lot better place in life I thought I would share some of my experiences as one thing I've learnt is how many other people there are like me so I hope it might help some of you. Here is my story about how I learnt to embrace my differences it's been a long personal battle/journey but I'm the happiest I have been in a long time.
Difference has been there all my life, and when I was younger it was never something I felt positive about. I always stood out like a sore thumb as I was so tall and so clumsy and un-cordinated, I could literally just touch something and it be smashed to pieces. It made me want to hide myself from the world as it lead me to so many embarrassing situations. I felt so self conscious, it made me want to stoop and hide my tallness and I used to beat myself up for making any mistakes. As said in my previous blog about s club 7 I had a lot of different interests to my peer groups and didn't feel like I fitted in and it made me feel really lonely and isolated.
It made me a target for bullies and I was constantly told by teachers that I needed to try harder and that my work wasn't up to scratch even though I was already working 10x harder than everyone else. It had such a negative impact on my self esteem and confidence. In my later teens I was also diagnosed with PCOS (which now thankfully is under control) which made me feel difference even more due to the physical effects of the symptoms it presented. I despised everything about myself which made me stand out and I began to self harm and use other ways of self distruction to try and change who I was. I never could imagine how anyone else could see me in a positive light and I was very self conscious and insecure.
Fast forward to the world of university and work where I was constantly being made to feel like I the way I did things was wrong and that I had to do things how everyone else did them and any tiny mistakes were made out to be huge issues. Again it had a huge negative impact on how I perceived myself in the world- I honestly believed at the time (I don't now) that there was no place for me in this world and the same self destructive behaviours reared their ugly head again.
But then something changed, it was after a particularly bad episode at work where I decided that I could fight or flight and that I could either feel sorry for myself or prove people wrong. I found the courage to seek professional help and became a lot stronger person and started to write this blog and get involved in charity work. I started to realise that there were so many other "Rosie's" out there either by meeting people themselves or by meeting parents who have children with dypraxia/dyslexia and whom have had similar battles as me. I found the determination to leave my job and realised that I was worth so much more than how I was the way I was being being treated. More than anything I've learnt to accept myself and accept myself that it's ok to be different, especially in a society which is constantly trying to make people fit in. My friend Hannah always says "be the Shepherd not a sheep." and I think that is so important. In the last few months since moving to London I've realised what a strength a different way of thinking is especially since I've had the confidence to take up opportunities. I've realised that being able to see the bigger picture and the sheer determination I've built but from struggles I've faced has been a huge asset when applying for jobs and helping me get in some amazing situations and opportunities.
Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes and we have a unique purpose in the world. If you know someone who may seem a little bit different to you, please don't try and change them, unless what someone is doing is leading to hurting themsleves or other people or putting them in a vulnerable place in life, accept these differences don't judge someone for what they do with their time, money and who they are, we are all unique. This weekend I spent the day on a bus in Regents street as Mollie King invited me, my boyfriend and my amazing friend Claire on board to spend time with her and indulge in the free champagne and ice creams. One of the most surreal days of my life. Mollie even wrote me a very lovely motivating note and said how proud she was of me, genuinely one of the kindest, understanding people I've ever met in life, and it made me think I'm so glad I started to embrace my differences and make the decision to look after myself.
I am now in the position in life where I can help other people help fight their battles and embrace their differences, both in my job and by doing the charity work I do. I will always stand up against bullying and ignorance and fight for the underdogs in life. I refuse to change who I am, my values and how I treat others to fit in, and will always stand up for the issues I believe in. To anyone who is reading this and feels different- it's ok and I'm so proud of you, keep fighting! I hope one day the world becomes more tolerant and accept that people are different. Everyone deserves happiness.