Saturday, 17 February 2018

The value of empathy, and understanding

Hello everyone,

Having empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to show them some kindness and care.  I don't think you can truly fully understand what someone is going through whether it be a mental health condition, difficulty or disability but we can all try and show someone a little bit of compassion and kindness.

As with all of my blogs, no two people are the same, and everyone's experiences are different.  We all have our own personal experiences, stories and there are so many different perspectives, even from those in similar situations. For example, someone else may experience anxiety/depression like me but have different triggers. The same with any other difficulties: the charity Dyspraxia Foundation use the phrase, "when you've met someone who's dyspraxic, you've met someone who is dyspraxic."  It's very easy to put people into a box when in reality we are all unique and present uniquely. We all come from different backgrounds, have different family circumstances and different interests.

As someone who has anxiety/social anxiety, I can overthink and worry about many things and find various situations challenging.  My brain can be like a runaway train,  doubting yourself for situations upcoming or ones you've been in, overthinking anything and everything struggling to switch off. Some of the thoughts you can have when you have social anxiety can be; that people will judge you, laugh at you, look at you or are upset with you. These thoughts can trigger the physical symptoms of anxiety/panic and then affect my mood. If you know someone who has anxiety or is, in general, an over-thinker the little things can really help us. This could be; being aware of your tone of voice, being careful of your words e.g. telling someone "not to worry/panic" isn't helpful, or giving someone a few words of reassurance or kindness or encouragement if a situation is challenging.

Likewise, with dyspraxia my brain and body process information more slowly which means things can take longer to pick up, do or learn. A little bit of time and patience can be lovely.  In all areas of life, it takes me time to build up my confidence. The little things can really mean a lot to me, and which is why I try and be compassionate and understanding to other people.

Last week, my boyfriend Matt and I had our 6th anniversary of being together, we are very similar but at the same time very different people. Being in a relationship with Matt has taught me to have empathy for things which he finds more challenging (social situations and anxiety) and his love of Arsenal Football Club and Britney Spears. I'm grateful to him believing in me. Also thanks to friends and to the lovely Mollie King who I am forever grateful for her kindness.

To anyone who might need this today, no matter where you are on your journey, you are enough and you are good enough. You and your voice and opinions have much value, you matter.

Until next time..

Thursday, 1 February 2018

Time to Talk Day 2018

Hello everyone, I hope you're well?
This Thursday (1st February)  is Time To Talk Day which is run by the amazing mental health charity Time To Change. This is a day which encourages people to try and talk more about mental health to help reduce stigma and misunderstanding.

Up to 1 in 4 people can struggle with their mental health at some point in their lives, there is a good chance that this is yourself or someone close to you. Mental health conditions as with many disabilities or difficulties are invisible to the eye, so you can't tell by looking at someone what they might be going through. 

The theme this year is about how there doesn't have to be a set place to have conversations around mental health. I have always struggled opening up about my anxiety/low mood and how I might be feeling, I know talking isn't the easiest for everyone and I know from my own experiences anxiety can make you feel like you’re bothering people and opening up can be difficult. Not everyone finds it easy to instantly become an open book about how they feel nor feel naturally confident approaching someone and sharing their experiences. It can take a while for me to get to know me and for me to build up my trust. I’m  so grateful to those who are patient with me about this and for words of support with my anxiety.

Which is why the little things can mean a lot to, simply asking how they are, taking the time to find out more or simply giving a listening ear. I know the little things mean SO much to me. I  try my best to give back and be there for friends and loved ones when they might be finding life a little bit more challenging. I would hate for others to feel what I have or to go through what I have in life. 

We all have a responsibility to talk about mental health, not just on Time To Talk Day, but every day.
Awareness days/weeks are simply so much more than on that day or for that week, awareness and understanding needs to be out there all year round. 

But by generating awareness and helping to reduce stigma we can help others feel less alone and encourage more conversations and maybe empower them to seek help to further support themselves. 

Most importantly,never underestimate the power of kindness, kindness can mean a lot. You’re not alone and I hope by writing this blog it might reach out to someone.

Keep going,
You're a lot stronger than you think you are,
Until next time.....

Sunday, 31 December 2017

2017 in Review - Kindness

Hello everyone,
It's come to the time when I write my end of year blog. It really doesn't feel like two minutes since I wrote my end of year blog last year.

I decided to write this blog about kindness as I know the value of the little things. Everyone is different, lives different lives, and has different family circumstances. We all, and our loved ones, live through different challenges. You never know from looking at someone, from their social media or in general what that person might be facing. So many people face challenges which are invisible to the eye and struggle with mental health and/or invisible disabilities or difficulties. Kindness can go a long way in helping others alongside a little bit of time, compassion, empathy and patience and access to the right help and support.

On a personal level it's been a very mixed year for me. I've had ups and downs. I've struggled quite a bit with my anxiety and finding the right help for it. I saw my lovely boyfriend badly injure himself after training for the 10k events he had planned. I am so  proud of him for completing them in the end and battling through, but to see him feeling low was hard. As someone who finds social situations hard and lacks confidence in himself at times, I know going to Parkrun and having "banter" with my dad over which dog they get overtaken by has meant a lot to him. I really hope for Matt's mental health and confidence running is an easier ride for him.

 We both come from quite private families. It can take a bit of time to get to know us and for us to come out of our shell and open up as we both have issues with social anxiety and have never found making and maintaining friends easy.  I'm grateful to loved ones who have supported and believed in me and for being there through the ups and downs. I hope you know how much your support is valued. 

This next year I hope to manage my anxiety/low mood better, to be able to try a lot of new things and experiences in my day to day life, to understand anxiety better. I hope to live in the moment more, not worry as much and start to enjoy life.  I feel like I need to learn to believe in myself and be kind to myself as much as I do to others. I also want to stop apologising as much as I do.

That support and encouragement from others  helped me walking around Parallel London 10k, my mum completed her first 10k walk too. The experience was eye opening seeing so many people from so many walks of life wearing t-shirts with charities close to their hearts. Beforehand my anxiety made me think every worse case scenario possible, but I  got there at the end

I also had the opportunity to go to Parliament to talk for a a couple of minutes about some of my experiences. It was terrifying but an honour. I also stepped from behind my blog to do a short speech on blogging with anxiety and dyspraxia at the Dyspraxia Foundation AGM. It was lovely to meet others and I’m grateful to the ladies who work for the charity for always being there for a reassuring hug especially as any kind of speaking is a challenge for me with my social anxiety.

 On the topic of blogs I am ending the year with my blog reaching 250,000 views. Something which still seems surreal to me. Thank you so much if you've taken the time to read my blogs. It means a lot to me. Blogging helps to give me a voice, a voice which I can sometimes struggle to find in my day to life. I'm not the most confident in my writing and I hope to find the confidence to expand my blog  and open up about myself a bit more. I just hope in any way my words can help others not feel alone in their journeys.

This year my childhood idols Steps came back onto the music scene and after all of these years I got the opportunity to meet them. Their music helps me a lot.  I am very grateful for the kind words Mollie King has given me this year, they give me strength in difficult times. She always is so understanding, has time to listen and finds time to find out more. She inspires me to not give up.

I hope the year ahead is kind to you,
Take care of yourselves
Until Next time.......

Lots of Love

Friday, 3 November 2017

Anxiety, noise and firworks

Hello everyone, I hope you're well?
As it's approaching bonfire night, I thought I would write a short blog to raise a bit of awareness about anxiety and fireworks.

For some people going to a bonfire with family and friends can be a great time to spend time together, but for others who have anxiety issues surrounding loud and unpredictable noises it can be overwhelming and more challenging. It is well known to keep your pets indoors throughout this time as it can be anxiety inducing for them, but not so much about for us humans. In this day and age fireworks aren't known for just being on 5th of November or New Year's Eve they carry on quite a bit afterward's. I think organised firework displays are a great way to bring communities together and also for some help raise funds for local charitable organisations. But over the years more and more go off on constantly throughout the day and night.

For some people who have anxiety or who are noise sensitive unpredictable loud noises can make them feel on edge, overwhelmed or experience panic attacks. As someone who finds unpredictability with noise a trigger for my anxiety, I can find this time of year overwhelming myself. Anxiety can make me quite a jumpy person in relation to unpredictable situations in general, it makes me feel
on edge and I can feel panicked. It's something I'm still personally working the National Autistic Society has some really helpful information on their website about anxiety, and bonfire night which I thought I would share.

If you do find this time of year more difficult firstly you're not alone, do things your way and if you find the noise itself  difficult there's a whole range of ear plugs and headphones out there.  If you are planning on going to a display plan ahead and maybe stand back from the crowds if you find them a challenge then go closer if you feel more comfortable. If you have a friend or family member who finds fireworks difficult don't judge them, if they experience anxiety or panic attacks in that environment, be patient and calm and understand it might need time. Sometimes finding a safe place away from the situation might help. Also your pets could be in need of extra cuddles, treats and kind words.

Take care of yourselves,
Until next time....

Saturday, 28 October 2017


Hello everyone, I didn’t really get the chance to properly blog for both World Mental Health Day and Dyspraxia Awareness Week. I wanted to blog about journeys and how everyone is on their own unique journey and how others can help.

"Life" has always taken me longer, whether it be getting dressed, writing an assignment (or these blogs)  or being able to face various situations due to social anxiety/anxiety. There's a running joke in my household that I've been running late since birth and was procrastinating in the womb (I was a month overdue)

At school/university, I became very aware that things took me that bit longer. I felt like I was behind everyone else and that was before I attempted to leave the house.  As an adult due to anxiety and dyspraxia things do take me longer both dealing with situations and day to day tasks, especially if it involves travelling,  experiences new places, new people or crowds to name a few. It means it takes time to step out of my comfort zones and to feel comfortable and confident when meeting people or in group situations due to social anxiety.

 This has affected my self-esteem and confidence as I can be quite hard on myself, prone to beating myself up and doubting myself. I'm lucky to have a boyfriend who's flexible and patient with me. I'm very grateful to him for this and all he helps with. Step by step I’m hoping to build up my confidence and self-esteem in trying things which I find more difficult. I also think it can take time trying different things which can help.

Often, from an outsider looking in perspective, assumptions can be made those with difficulties and/or mental health conditions, can't be bothered or lazy. The brain is working harder to do things which others can take for granted. A listening ear, a little bit of time patience and empathy can go a long way. Words can make a huge difference to someone in helping them believe in themselves when they struggle to.

It's made me persevering  person and someone who has  more patience and empathy and understanding for other people's journeys, especially for  those whom life has never been naturally easy. A few months ago I completed Parallel London 10k event. Where I saw so many people who had various difficulties, disabilities and mental health conditions take part. It was eye opening to see how inclusive the event was. We were told at the start that it wasn't about times, as long as we got round in our own way. That made me feel more relaxed as it was non-judgemental.

 I love seeing others achieve especially when it's not been an easy journey. I really respect people in the public eye who speak out about their mental health especially Zoella with her anxiety. I've been loving watching Mollie and AJ on Strictly Come Dancing. I've always respected Mollie, as she's always been open about her childhood experiences with dyslexia which means life takes her a little bit longer. I have empathised with her and find her quite refreshing. I  have loved seeing how much perseverance and hard work have gone into their performances each week from both of them. Her kind words over the years have meant a lot to me.

I hope by writing this blog helps others maybe feel less alone. I have found it quite therapeutic writing it.

I'm grateful to those there for me on my journey, I hope you know how much I appreciate you and what you do for me.

Wherever you are on your journey, keep going you're a lot stronger than you think you are!
Until next time.....

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

World Mental Health Day 2017

Hello everyone, October 10th is World Mental Health day. An issue which affects so many of us and our loved ones. Up to 1:4 of  us will struggle with our mental health at any time. I didn't want to repeat myself from previous blogs so I think this one will be quite a short one!

Even though for many people talking isn't easy. I've always been someone who has bottled up how I feel and my emotions and never found opening up or talking about my anxiety or low mood easy, through fear of judgement or bothering others. I'm grateful to  some of the people in my life who have allowed me to open up a little more and I've found writing this blog therapeutic.

It's ok to talk and it's important to end the stigma surrounding mental illness and those who suffer from it. The more we talk about  issues such as mental health and invisible difficulties and disabilities, the less isolated people may feel. This week is also dyspraxia awareness week.  Most importantly take the time to listen, just having someone who listens can mean so much to someone.

You never know who may be struggling with mental health or with any issue invisible to the eye. Always be kind.

Everyone is different and finds different ways help, there is no one size fits all approach. Go at your own pace. But you're a lot stronger than your mind is telling you at times.

Until next time....

This week is al

Monday, 2 October 2017

Beneath the surface

Hello I hope you're all ok? Sorry for the slight delay in blogging since last post. The focus of my latest blog is looking beneath the surface especially when someone finds social situations more challenging.

It's important to remember that no two people are the same but for some who experience social anxiety and/or struggle with confidence in social situations it can mean getting to know them can take that bit more time. It can take a while to feel comfortable or feel more confident when meeting new people and sharing information about themselves and ideas more challenging.

On the outside they may appear bored, rude, aloof or simply just quiet. You might think that they simply just don't care or don't want to be in your company or being flaky. Social anxiety is more than just being shy: it’s a mixture of physical symptoms and thoughts and can be really difficult and frustrating to live with. It’s important to get to know how it affects someone differently and take time to help them feel more comfortable and confident but most importantly in their own time. Take your time to understand someone’s challenges but also try and boost their confidence to help them grow.

The words you use can make a huge difference. Having social anxiety/anxiety doesn’t mean someone doesn’t have an opinion or a voice, but you can help build up their confidence by simply listening. If you know someone is going through a rough patch with their mental health a listening ear can mean so much. You don’t know how much hard work it can take for someone to be able to do something you might take for granted. Don’t  put someone under pressure,  let them do it in their own time, your patience can mean a lot.

Most importantly  everyone is a person, someone with a story. Everyone has a story, and you never know what people may be dealing or struggling  with behind closed doors. You never know who may have a mental illness, disability or difficulty invisible to the eye. Whilst I wanted to focus this blog on my anxiety/social anxiety, I’m also dyspraxic and many people may have another difficulty alongside any mental health challenges.

As someone who has social anxiety/anxiety  and can experience panic attacks meeting new people groups of people can be a real challenge for me, speaking up, sharing my ideas all of the anxiety and overthinking which can come beforehand and all of the overthinking which can happen afterwards and low self esteem/low mood. It's lead to some misunderstandings and difficult situations.

But I hope those who know me well know more  about me and of my  life experiences and that I care and empathise with others. In previous blogs I have discussed my anxiety/social anxiety and situations I find challenging. An example can approach wanting  to approach someone or go into situations  with ideas and things you wish  to share. But the physical feelings and thoughts and worries of being judged or coming across as boring or annoying go alongside of this.

I can find small talk not the easiest, and like to get to know what makes someone who they are by looking deeper to get to know their heart and soul.

I hope to become more confident and manage my anxiety in time, and if you relate to any of what I've talked about I think it's important to go at your own pace, find people who understand your struggles but who also encourage you to grow. Asking questions or taking that little bit of time to get to know someone who has anxiety or finds social situations more challenging can mean a lot, and cause a lot less misunderstandings. You never know what you might find out about someone.

Until next time....

The value of empathy, and understanding

Hello everyone, Having empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to show them some kindness and care.  I don'...